Poem: Year 1

Tell me it wasn’t all for nothing
The wind blowing through my hair
The leaves falling, golden and crisp

Tell me this was for something
The endless nights
The tears streaming down my cheeks
The hours spent focusing a wandering mind

Don’t say there was no point
To fireflies and chilled campus walks
Trees and birdfeeders
A squirrel with no tail

Tell me there was some purpose
To cafeteria trays and tang
Full of ants
Tables with set groups

Don’t tell me.
Just don’t.
Every word
Every sound wave
For future regurgitation

Don’t.
Flashes of faces, papers, books
72 steps to my floor
4 minute burn time

Fighting. Dorm mom and tears. Clear shower doors.
People yelling “FLUSH”
Sex so loud music couldn’t drown it
Don’t tell me this was for nothing.

Dreaming in an unlearned foreign language
Cold and alone and numb
Exhausted beyond tears, beyond sleep
Moving
Windows with light filtering in through the tree branches

Tapping keys, dusty pages, the smell of coffee
Trying to fly you here.
Waiting for you.
Writing you Every. Day. And. Night.
Dedicating my life for our future.

I hear your voice but I can’t find you.
You can’t find me.
These tears are mine
…I thought. They are yours.

My arms outstretched
Through the sky and clouds
Blue rolling on and on and on
Lead me Home. Just lead me Home.