Weaning off Lexapro: Day 44

Sunset with pinks and oranges and yellows, and deep blue

Sunset tonight


  • 10mg Lexapro; norm thyroid meds
  • multivite tablet
  • fish oil
  • sunshine & a little bit of walking


  • woke up with terrible stomach ache
  • feel kind of sick but no concrete symptoms
  • head feels heavy; a little irritable

Journal Items:

  • Appointment with [assistance] (can’t remember if I’ve ever written about this before, so I’ll leave it w/o comment). I think it went well. I feel a lot more focused on studies again, and on finding a part-time job
  • I finally, after an entire year since qualifying, signed up for the reduced bus fare for low income people
  • Feel exhausted and kind of sick

Tomorrow Preview:

  • Tomorrow, I get up at 6:45am to get ready and leave for a memorial service that is a ways away
  • Tomorrow, I MUST finish chapter 8 in my studies

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 28, 29, 30

Sadly, you can tell that my interests are starting to cycle again already. I can’t even make myself journal here consistently. I wish I knew how to prevent this process.

All 3 of these days, I’ve had the same meds:

  • 10mg Lexapro (crazy); normal thyroid meds
  • 10mg Zyrtec
  • multivite
  • Day 28: minimal exercise (walking)
  • Day 29: a good amount of walking
  • Day 30: lots of walking


  • I’ve had a cold
  • I’ve been cranky
  • a little reflux at night still
  • OCD thoughts as I try to sleep

Journal Items:

Eh, I’ve no idea. Day 28: Meh? Day 29: Walking but very slowly (I was pretty sick; I even skipped my Pokewalk day). Day 30: Volunteer work for most of the day. Yay. A little Pokemon stuff. I dunno. I don’t feel super, emotionally. Oh hey, I need to sign up at the local college again. I’ve decided that’s what’s going to save me and put me back onto a schedule again. I need to do that approximately…right now.

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 25, 26, 27

Sunset with colors of yellow, pink, and a lot of blue

Sunset this evening

I’m a little behind. Meds:

  • On each of these days, 10mg Lexapro, multivite if I remembered (I did today, the 27th day, for sure).
  • Exercise in the form of gentle bicycle rides on all 3 days.
  • I’ve also been taking 10mg Zyrtec.


  • Coughing, sneezing (head cold), mild sore throat
  • reflux still, maybe not as bad
  • kind of testy yesterday and today
  • tired

Journal Items:

  • 2 days ago, I don’t recall. I know there was studying. Gentle bicycling
  • 1 day ago, I went on 2, gentle bicycle rides
  • Today, I went on a long, gentle bicycle ride with lots of stopping (Pokémon-related)
  • I finished the previous class and have started the new class
  • Bf and I had couples therapy yesterday and it was really helpful. I wish I weren’t so damn cranky today but I woke up feeling yucky and it stayed that way until I went on my bike ride.
  • Riding my bike, I felt instantly better. I felt wonderful so long as I was riding my bicycle. Outside. In the trees. And the sun.
  • It feels hard here right now, like everyone has tread on everyone else’s toes a little bit. Sometimes living with others is very hard.

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 22

Dark sunset clouds with purple and bright pink and some orange

Sunset tonight

Meds Today:

  • 10mg Lexapro; norm. thyroid meds
  • multivite (possibly two, actually)
  • minimal exercise (walking)


  • None really
  • I’ve been forgetting to mention something like acid reflux nearly every night, which is unusual for me

Journal List:

  • Got up all right, had breakfast
  • Went to a quick Pokémon Go raid, chatted briefly with people
  • Studied
  • Dr. Who
  • Studied / Took my pre-assessment and passed
  • Dr. Who
  • Studied. Bedtime

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 20

Blue sky and very swirly, white clouds in frame

Clouds from 2015

Meds Today:

  • 10mg Lexapro (I still just can’t believe it); normal thyroid meds
  • fish oil capsule
  • calcium-magnesium-zinc tablet
  • exercise (walking, a tiny bit of jogging)


  • Felt emotionally neutral
  • Felt good while walking
  • Mild brain zappies when turning my head
  • Brief anxiety (maybe 5 min)
  • UPDATE: I forgot to mention the nausea after eating, and some reflux

Journal Items:

  1. I was SO TIRED. I slept in very late; maybe getting up at about 1pm?
  2. I ate breakfast then, and immediately outside to play Pokémon Go with a group of people I hadn’t seen since before the holidays (they’re so nice)
  3. Then I tried to study but didn’t focus well
  4. I walked again (it feels SO GOOD to walk, even though I had a long phase where if I turned my head, I got mild brain zappies; it’s within manageable ranges so far, though)
  5. I tried to study again
  6. I ate dinner (early enough to prevent reflux, hopefully)
  7. Now I’m finally studying fairly well, but it’s closing in on bedtime and writing here is part of my “sleep hygiene” routine, so here I am.

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 3

Sunset with a full moon in view

Full moon at sunset


  • 15mg Lexapro (with thyroid meds)
  • Magnesium-whatever-else vitamin; fish oil capsule; chewable multi-vite
  • Hardly any exercise at all, though


  • Pretty chill all day
  • Angry a few times but not strongly and not for long; a mild tingle of anxiety once because I’m taking an exam tomorrow, but only for a split second and it was gone
  • I wonder if my chillness of today is from the 10mg of Prozac last night? Sweet dawg, that’s all I can say.
  • Perhaps a few moments of a strange feeling when I blink/ turn my head, but very mild

Seriously, if weaning off of Lexapro proves detrimental, I will be requesting a low dose of Prozac to go along with the Lexapro in the future. Walking around and experiencing no anxiety? Hearing people argue and experiencing no anxiety? Fucking awesome. Maybe I was mad to think I’d feel better OFF of the drugs. Maybe what I needed was just a change in meds!

But, stay the course for now! I’m dying of curiousity to see how I feel w/o the Lexapro.

I didn’t take my final today after all. Studied the whooole day, with my bf’s help. I’ll take it tomorrow morning NO MATTER WHAT.

Long-Overdue Update

Hi all,

Deer crossing in front of our car

Deer crossing

I haven’t checked in or updated here in a very long time until just recently when I had a little emotional emergency. So I thought I should go ahead and try to fill in some gaps, briefly.

Since I last really updated on here, I quit my awesome tutoring job and the in-person school and went fully online. I also started volunteering at an animal shelter. The online schooling is boring as **** and I’m kind of regretting the decision, BUT it is going faster than it was going when I was trying to juggle tutoring, classes, and more classes at the same time (tutoring is tied to taking several additional classes).

My first pea plant flower of the season!

First flower! Pea plant

I’ve also started gardening, which I used to do years ago. It’s great. I’m growing peas and lettuce. I’ve started some flower seeds but super late, so I’m not sure they’ll do anything. I tried beans twice but they were immediately eaten by something (I know I hand-killed a ton of thrips but I suspect more than just them were at work).

Also, as you can tell, I found a psychologist and was seeing him once a week. It took at least a month before I decided I could trust him. Obviously, I am not as sure about that right now.

But whatevs. I have a dental appointment today. Next week, I have a psychiatrist appointment. I am only seeing her twice a year now, but I might try to increase to 3 times a year since just recently I’ve been having more trouble again.


Stolen: Child’s sandwich

Oh, and I exercise a ton still! And I’m eating a little bit more healthfully, much of the time! It seems that whenever I exercise a LOT in a week, I feel emotionally good. Whenever I don’t exercise, due to illness or just getting swamped with other things, I get depressed. The correlation is INCREDIBLY strong. Exercise = emotional stability. Sedentary-ness = instant hopelessness. Obviously, I need to use this knowledge for good.

Once a week, I see my friend, “Joe”, who some of you may remember I dated for a while, like two years ago? I don’t know how long ago. Anyway, he’s probably my best friend now. We go on a long Pokéwalk every week. It’s often along the piers, where I can see the birds and sea lions and sometimes a harbor seal and some fish. Sometimes, we go to different parks, including a particular lake that always has tons of different ducks and birds and squirrels. I’m very grateful to have him as a friend. Also, because he has Asperger also, and has dealt with therapists and group therapy and more, he really understands when I have my downs and instability and has great insights.

ALSO, he’s as into wildlife as I am, so he doesn’t mind one bit when I stop 800 times to photograph slugs and squirrels and birds and rocks and everything.

Close up of gull's eye, which is reflecting water ripples

Water reflection in eye

He and my SO (significant other) have met twice but only briefly. I really hope they become friends because then we can all go hiking together and stuff. We’re all attending “Joe”‘s b-day dinner this weekend, and I hope it all goes smoothly. I’ve had terrible experiences in the past with my ex who hated my friends. I’m not at all concerned about my SO hating “Joe” but I know that “Joe” has difficulty around other males. There will be up to 15 people and I’ll have met like 1 or 2 of them. Hopefully it all goes well.

What other news? I’m still living with SO and his mom. I had a rough time with it like a month or so ago, but since then I’ve been working on establishing what I consider more boundaries. She’s awesome and very generous but can be a little bit controlling about certain things, and I have a hard time knowing how to shrug it off. So I’m learning and I’m working on it.

Ducklings, back in April

Ducklings (from back in April)

I’m considering getting a part-time job at a coffee shop. I want something nearby, not too intense (although busy is okay, and I enjoy customer service). But my feelings of self-worth slip every day that I’m unemployed. I didn’t think it would happen, since I know that finishing school more quickly will get me a higher-than-minimum-wage-job more quickly and thus is productive, but it doesn’t FEEL productive. Even when I volunteer at the animal shelter twice a week, I love it but I still feel rotten about myself. Also, I’m focusing less well on school the longer time passes since I was at the in-person school. Bummer.

I set up a bucket to catch water in the shower as we wait for hot water. I also bought grey-water-garden-safe laundry soap and hooked up some tubs to catch my laundry water. There’s a plant out back that is a water hog, so this grey water really helps.

All right, that’s all for now.