Weaning off Lexapro: Days 76 – 86

Ladybug

Meds:

• 5mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
• Vitamins when I remember
• Exercise: LOTS of walking and some bicycling

Symptoms:

• IRRITABILITY
• Strong, quickly changing emotions
• More tired

Journal Items:

• I regret having gone so long between journaling here, because this has been a HARD ten days
• My body is NOT pleased with this lower dose, yet!
• I am biting my bf’s HEAD off at the slightest drop of a hat
• I do think that the last couple of days have been slightly better
• Until my P.M.S. also joined in, and now I’m super emotional and who can tell what’s what
• Studying has been challenging
• We have company over for about 10 days, which has been good so far (but knowing myself, I’ll need some alone time soon)
• It’ll be hard to have alone time tomorrow, seeing as my door hinge is going to have some wood glue as one of its newest additions and will then be open, propped up while drying for the whole day. 😉
• Tomorrow needs to bring much focus and studying. It’s hard [to focus] because the content is so hard right now.

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 74, 75

Meds:

• 5mg Lexapro(crazy), normal thyroid meds
• exercise: walking and bicycling

Symptoms:

• Quicker to become irritable
• Quicker to feel hopeless about relationship

Journal Items:

• This has been a difficult couple of days relationship-wise.
• Bedtimes are out of control and I’m feeling extremely passive aggressive over it, which doesn’t help me accomplish anything productive, believe me.
• I need to redo my resume. I need to apply to jobs again. I need to get a job. I need to earn an income.
• Because… I need to feel more independent. I’m of half a mind to cut & run from this relationship right now. But I can’t feel objective about it when I’m so financially dependent right now.
• Rant: I KNEW these things in advance. I TOLD myself I’d be more careful the next time. But that damn honeymoon period, so to speak, locks me into a relationship and I get to know and care about the other person. Then later, when it all settles out and the person doesn’t have the qualities I already know that I need, it’s hard to get out. What are the two main things I’m bitching about right now? *) Not a dog person, which is IMPORTANT to me, and *) Has even worse executive functioning than I have, which is a BIG DEAL for me. And I’ll add another: not fully aware of how poor his own executive functioning is. Definitely blamed ME for avoiding certain conversations, when it was so, so clear that the convos didn’t happen because we’d both forgotten and never got around to it! Give me a LITTLE bit of the benefit of the doubt, would ya? This is all not. easy. [[Note to the reader: this is NOT an unbiased story and it is NOT a complete picture in the slightest. I’m merely venting some poison.]]
• I’m studying very slowly but thoroughly right now (it’s an important class, so I’m opting for over-studying rather than under-studying, atm).

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 72, 73

Clouds from Monday’s walk

Meds:

• 5mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
• B12, sublingual
• Multivite, chewable
• Exercise: walking

Symptoms:

• Some acid reflux
• Instant crankiness
• Feel like life is out of control
• Tired

Journal Items:

• I had something on Monday, I had something on Tuesday, I have something today (a primary care doctor appointment that I wish I could put off for another few months), and I have something tomorrow evening
• I finished the book I was reading for fun
• Pokémon Go keeps me busy and moving around outdoors and interacting with people
• I’ve started a new class that is going to be very, very full of important information. It’s a very central class and the reading is dense. I’m not even through the first chapter yet.

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 45 – 71

Meds for Days 45 – 70:

• 10mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
• vitamins when I remembered
• electrolyte beverage on days when I remembered
• walking, some bicycling

Symptoms for Days 45 – 70:

• Pretty neutral (that’s why I had stopped recording for a while — it started to feel like every day was pretty similar to the day before it)

Meds for Day 71 (today):

• 5mg Lexapro (!!!), normal thyroid meds
• 10mg Prozac
• vitamins, chewable
• electrolyte beverage
• 22,000+ steps of walking

Symptoms for Day 71 (today):

• At some point, I had a brief moment of vertigo
• I got a stomach ache
• I had a lot of reflux and when I laid down, it [censored]
• My bf, who I’ve been fine with for weeks now, said one little thing I shot off to instant rage/hatred

I am not looking forward to the next few weeks at this dose. (But today’s walk was lovely!)

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 43

Meds:

• 10mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
• lots and lots of walking
• electrolyte beverage
• fish oil capsule
• multivite, chewables

Symptoms:

• Neck and upper back muscles SUPER TIGHT
• Slept poorly last night (stomach ache; onion or garlic coming out of my pores; yuck)
• Very black mood (cranky / irritable) at start of walk
• Mostly just a headache by the end of the walk; mood more toward neutral
• Cranky again once I got home

Journal Items:

• Pokéwalk today, extra walking if that’s possible
• Learned of 2 deaths; one at my bf’s workplace and one in my extended family
• Did not have a particularly healthy dinner

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 31-39

It’s hard to know if I’m off by a day but it hasn’t mattered because I haven’t gone down by any more yet. I’m still holding steady at 10mg of Lexapro because I had gotten sick and didn’t want to make any changes at that point. But, my sickness has passed, aside from a random cough. Perhaps I will go down to the 5mg either tomorrow morning or the next day. We’ll see.

In the meanwhile, the meds have stayed the same:

• 10mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
• vitamins, somewhat rarely this week (keep forgetting)
• lots and lots of walking
• I’ve started to drink electrolyte beverages again, and I think it’s made a big difference in how I feel
• the last 2 or so nights, a little bit of clonazepam

Symptoms:

• A LOT of frustration
• A LOT of irritation
• A lot of feeling like I want to quit Accounting
• When I was sick, some light-headedness and some electric zappies

Journal Items:

• There’s no way for me to remember the week past, but I remember a smattering:
• Pokémon Community Day was awesome and fantastic exercise
• I have received a Pokémon Go EX raid pass (big deal)
• My last Pokémon Go walk with my friend, “Joe”, went well
• I finally own rain boots (as of today)
• I hate the Apple company with a burning passion right now (on that note, don’t schedule any appointments with them via online right now. Only do it by telephone. I won’t go into details, but if you do it online and then go there, you will have wasted your time and money)
• I’ve been frustrated. A lot.
• I’ve studied some. Need to study more.
• I’ve walked A LOT

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 28, 29, 30

Sadly, you can tell that my interests are starting to cycle again already. I can’t even make myself journal here consistently. I wish I knew how to prevent this process.

All 3 of these days, I’ve had the same meds:

• 10mg Lexapro (crazy); normal thyroid meds
• 10mg Zyrtec
• multivite
• Day 28: minimal exercise (walking)
• Day 29: a good amount of walking
• Day 30: lots of walking

Symptoms:

• I’ve had a cold
• I’ve been cranky
• a little reflux at night still
• OCD thoughts as I try to sleep

Journal Items:

Eh, I’ve no idea. Day 28: Meh? Day 29: Walking but very slowly (I was pretty sick; I even skipped my Pokewalk day). Day 30: Volunteer work for most of the day. Yay. A little Pokemon stuff. I dunno. I don’t feel super, emotionally. Oh hey, I need to sign up at the local college again. I’ve decided that’s what’s going to save me and put me back onto a schedule again. I need to do that approximately…right now.

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 25, 26, 27

Sunset this evening

I’m a little behind. Meds:

• On each of these days, 10mg Lexapro, multivite if I remembered (I did today, the 27th day, for sure).
• Exercise in the form of gentle bicycle rides on all 3 days.
• I’ve also been taking 10mg Zyrtec.

Symptoms:

• Coughing, sneezing (head cold), mild sore throat
• reflux still, maybe not as bad
• kind of testy yesterday and today
• tired

Journal Items:

• 2 days ago, I don’t recall. I know there was studying. Gentle bicycling
• 1 day ago, I went on 2, gentle bicycle rides
• Today, I went on a long, gentle bicycle ride with lots of stopping (Pokémon-related)
• I finished the previous class and have started the new class
• Bf and I had couples therapy yesterday and it was really helpful. I wish I weren’t so damn cranky today but I woke up feeling yucky and it stayed that way until I went on my bike ride.
• Riding my bike, I felt instantly better. I felt wonderful so long as I was riding my bicycle. Outside. In the trees. And the sun.
• It feels hard here right now, like everyone has tread on everyone else’s toes a little bit. Sometimes living with others is very hard.

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 24

Swirly clouds from 2015

Meds Today:

• 10mg Lexapro; norm. thyroid meds
• multivite chewables
• exercise (bicycling; walking)

Symptoms:

• gas and intestinal pain
• coughing (allergies, I think)

Journal Items:

1. Bf brought me coffee in bed at 7am; I drank it closer to 7:30, I think
2. I know I was out of bed by 9ish
3. I started my new study plan for the new class
4. I met people for a Pokémon Go raid and that was fun
5. I went bicycling for about two hours, although I didn’t go very far (I went slowly and took many stops for Pokémon and views)
6. I studied
7. I walked, saw another Dr. Who, walked again for a Pokégym
8. Bedtime

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 23

Pretty snail today

Meds Today:

• 10mg Lexapro; normal thyroid meds
• Calcium-Mag-Zinc tablet
• lots of exercise (walking all day)

Symptoms:

• Maybe not as smooth socially (face too readable?)
• none really
• still having acid reflux or something every night (which is new for me)

Journal Items:

• Today was Pokéwalk day with my friend, “Joe”
• First, I took and passed a Final Exam
• Then, I went to an outdoor shop in search of rubber rain boots but no luck
• Then, Pokéwalk. This time, bf’s mom joined, too
• Halfway through, we ran into another Pokémon player that I’ve known for a while now and is super nice
• We all 4 walked quite a while
• 4 became 3 became 2
• (I was stressed at times because I worry about peace and harmony and “Joe’s” feet, and everyone being happy, and blah blah blah) I’m still de-stressing from that aspect
• I walked extra once I got home, since my socks were completely soaked anyway
• Dinner; Dr. Who; now it’s bedtime and it’s quite late and … the usual, I guess