Weaning off Lexapro: Days 25, 26, 27

Sunset with colors of yellow, pink, and a lot of blue

Sunset this evening

I’m a little behind. Meds:

  • On each of these days, 10mg Lexapro, multivite if I remembered (I did today, the 27th day, for sure).
  • Exercise in the form of gentle bicycle rides on all 3 days.
  • I’ve also been taking 10mg Zyrtec.

Symptoms:

  • Coughing, sneezing (head cold), mild sore throat
  • reflux still, maybe not as bad
  • kind of testy yesterday and today
  • tired

Journal Items:

  • 2 days ago, I don’t recall. I know there was studying. Gentle bicycling
  • 1 day ago, I went on 2, gentle bicycle rides
  • Today, I went on a long, gentle bicycle ride with lots of stopping (Pokémon-related)
  • I finished the previous class and have started the new class
  • Bf and I had couples therapy yesterday and it was really helpful. I wish I weren’t so damn cranky today but I woke up feeling yucky and it stayed that way until I went on my bike ride.
  • Riding my bike, I felt instantly better. I felt wonderful so long as I was riding my bicycle. Outside. In the trees. And the sun.
  • It feels hard here right now, like everyone has tread on everyone else’s toes a little bit. Sometimes living with others is very hard.
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Weaning off Lexapro: Day 24

Very swirly white clouds on a blue sky and the tips of some trees

Swirly clouds from 2015

Meds Today:

  • 10mg Lexapro; norm. thyroid meds
  • multivite chewables
  • exercise (bicycling; walking)

Symptoms:

  • gas and intestinal pain
  • coughing (allergies, I think)

Journal Items:

  1. Bf brought me coffee in bed at 7am; I drank it closer to 7:30, I think
  2. I know I was out of bed by 9ish
  3. I started my new study plan for the new class
  4. I met people for a Pokémon Go raid and that was fun
  5. I went bicycling for about two hours, although I didn’t go very far (I went slowly and took many stops for Pokémon and views)
  6. I studied
  7. I walked, saw another Dr. Who, walked again for a Pokégym
  8. Bedtime

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 23

Photo of a snail in the rain

Pretty snail today

Meds Today:

  • 10mg Lexapro; normal thyroid meds
  • Calcium-Mag-Zinc tablet
  • lots of exercise (walking all day)

Symptoms:

  • Maybe not as smooth socially (face too readable?)
  • none really
  • still having acid reflux or something every night (which is new for me)

Journal Items:

  • Today was Pokéwalk day with my friend, “Joe”
  • First, I took and passed a Final Exam
  • Then, I went to an outdoor shop in search of rubber rain boots but no luck
  • Then, Pokéwalk. This time, bf’s mom joined, too
  • Halfway through, we ran into another Pokémon player that I’ve known for a while now and is super nice
  • We all 4 walked quite a while
  • 4 became 3 became 2
  • (I was stressed at times because I worry about peace and harmony and “Joe’s” feet, and everyone being happy, and blah blah blah) I’m still de-stressing from that aspect
  • I walked extra once I got home, since my socks were completely soaked anyway
  • Dinner; Dr. Who; now it’s bedtime and it’s quite late and … the usual, I guess

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 20

Blue sky and very swirly, white clouds in frame

Clouds from 2015

Meds Today:

  • 10mg Lexapro (I still just can’t believe it); normal thyroid meds
  • fish oil capsule
  • calcium-magnesium-zinc tablet
  • exercise (walking, a tiny bit of jogging)

Symptoms:

  • I SLEPT IN FOR A LONG TIME
  • Felt emotionally neutral
  • Felt good while walking
  • Mild brain zappies when turning my head
  • Brief anxiety (maybe 5 min)
  • UPDATE: I forgot to mention the nausea after eating, and some reflux

Journal Items:

  1. I was SO TIRED. I slept in very late; maybe getting up at about 1pm?
  2. I ate breakfast then, and immediately outside to play Pokémon Go with a group of people I hadn’t seen since before the holidays (they’re so nice)
  3. Then I tried to study but didn’t focus well
  4. I walked again (it feels SO GOOD to walk, even though I had a long phase where if I turned my head, I got mild brain zappies; it’s within manageable ranges so far, though)
  5. I tried to study again
  6. I ate dinner (early enough to prevent reflux, hopefully)
  7. Now I’m finally studying fairly well, but it’s closing in on bedtime and writing here is part of my “sleep hygiene” routine, so here I am.

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 17

Sunset, pale blue sky with pale, lit clouds and a single tree

Sunset tonight

Meds Today:

  • 10mg Lexapro (!!!), norm. thyroid meds
  • calcium tablet
  • exercise (walking, mostly)
  • 10mg Prozac at night

Symptoms:

  • Tired
  • Light-headed at times
  • Emotionally pretty neutral

Journal Items:

  1. Very, very exhausted this morning
  2. Got up early for breakfast, but then fell back asleep for hours
  3. Studied
  4. Walked to a distant store for a couple of items
  5. Tried to study more
  6. Walked and took a bus for Pokémon game (met up with at least 15 people, I think!)
  7. Studied more and lifted a few weights
  8. Bf home late from work, and is currently downstairs working so I’m not talking to him or anything yet (seems absorbed in work). Oh no wonder, he’s taking tomorrow off so he is probably working a lot of extra today.

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 16

Bright, maybe full moon behind a field of clouds, and tips of trees straight up

A field of clouds in front of the moon tonight

Wow, it’s the 16th day? That means I didn’t go down another 5mg when I was supposed to (after 2 weeks, so that would have been yesterday-ish). Close enough. And let me tell you, this is more scary now than before, after I had two intense days of anger (which I tend to then turn inward into hopelessness).

Today:

  • 15mg Lexapro, norm. thyroid meds
  • iron tablet, multivite tablet
  • exercise (walking & a little dancing & a little weights)

Symptoms:

  • Pretty neutral
  • Kind of pessimistic outlook but not upset or anything
  • Headaches

I painted yesterday evening. I wish I could share it on here. It’s perfect for a Homesick person. I’m not angry anymore (like I was yesterday and the day before). But I’m pretty scared for the upcoming days, if I really do start to reduce my Lexapro again tomorrow morning. Oh, man. The part that I look forward to is the one dose of Prozac. Last time, that took away all of my anxiety the next day! That was miraculous and I’d love to have that every day. You really can’t appreciate how debilitating anxiety is until you have a space without it. Those so-called “normal” humans have no idea. No idea, at all. I begrudge them.

Oh, also, my psychiatrist wrote me back a very kind message in response to what I sent yesterday when I was quite angry and had let her know what had upset me so much during our appointment. UPDATE: Just to clarify, I had been angry with my psychiatrist but that is different from what I was angry at yesterday & the day before. That latter anger went away either last night after painting, or during the night, or this morning.