Vitamins if I remember (maybe a couple of times a week)
Exercise (walking, bicycling, skiing)
Irritability only with certain people (such as my bf)
Insomnia now that I’m back home
Feeling that something BIG is going to happen soon (CHANGE)
Confused. Torn. Mixed up.
There’s no way for me to remember and write what has passed.
But I did go to my parents’ house. And spent time with my beloved, beloved dog, who has heart failure now. He’s living on borrowed time thanks to responding well to medicines. Every day he’s with us has always been and will remain a gift.
My dad’s going to turn 70? What? How?
Studying for class
Walking, very short walks with my dog, and longer walks with my mom
Skiing with my folks, and my bf when he came
The mountains, the snow, the smells, the sounds. The fresh air, the cold wind. The gravel, I could roll around in it and never get enough.
I miss it all so much. My heart stayed there. I’m a split person as I have been the whole time, but it’s more obvious right now. I’m dissociating mildly here right now. I’m not connected to this place. I don’t like living here.
But life is complicated and I have to let it slide in this moment of time. I believe the reduction of Lexapro from 20mg to 5mg has really made a large difference in me. I *feel* more like I used to feel, so long ago (I’ve been on Lexapro for over a decade). But that doesn’t mesh well with what’s around me today. I believe that the Lexapro put a bubble around me and I was okay with things I would never have been okay with before. It might reach back far enough to say that I wouldn’t have been married in the first place if I hadn’t been on Lexapro and had such drug-thickened skin. Life is weird.
Well, here I go. I’ll be away from the computer for a couple of weeks. I spent the entire day yesterday attempting to pack but it was overwhelming. Executive function for the … not win. Came in 200th, perhaps?
Anyway, I found a group of people that plays PokémonGO, so when I get back, I’ll be able to meet up with more people for the level 4 raids. Very exciting. Real, human people. I met them the other day and they gave me a plushie Pokéball because they had extra. I like this. They had a bag of battery packs on the ready in case anyone needed one. They’re prepared.
I need to stop picking at my acne. Bandaids are in play. The pictures are going to look awful.
One main issue outstanding: I never signed the paperwork over for my pony. If I die on this trip, there will be some contention over ownership, and that’s not what I want. I should at least write a non-legally-binding letter letting people know my intention to transfer her my pony.
Everything else? If I die, I don’t believe there is anything else that would be difficult to clear up. So, I just need to write out my letter of intention and I’ll be good to go on this trip with perhaps lighter shoulders.
I’m currently really into this song: “Pray to God” featuring HAIM, the Calvin Harris version (I’m assuming there’s an original but I haven’t heard it).
I don’t know what the song is supposed to be about but I’m happy with my more religious interpretation. Here is a lyrics video I found that matches the way I hear the lyrics, and then just go with the religious interpretation from there: