Bummed. Looking up executive function reading material to share with others

I wonder if this book is any good?

http://www.drthomasebrown.com/booksbydrbrown/new-understanding-of-adhd-in-children-and-adults/

I wish desperately that I had some good material on executive function that would at least help me explain to people around me why I behave how I behave sometimes. I’m still very disturbed about having frustrated Peter this morning. But when discussing it briefly at the train station, he didn’t seem to understand/accept when I mentioned that it’s hard for me to feel urgency to leave without external stimulus. I just imagine that it could only help things if I could send him reading material about it. If he can’t understand it, then he can’t understand me, and that would be a pretty sad problem.

Here’s something else: http://www.drthomasebrown.com/pdfs/Executive_Functions_by_Thomas_Brown.pdf

Here’s something: http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2011/11/how-lack-of-executive-functioning-may.html

This looks good: http://musingsofanaspie.com/executive-function-series/

Along with: http://musingsofanaspie.com/2014/01/07/executive-function-primer-part-1/

I just wish. I wish wish wish. Why do I always feel like the people in my life don’t believe me? Like I have to fricking prove myself to others. I’ve been alive with myself for over 3 decades. I think I’d know by now, you know? I wasn’t born yesterday. I didn’t just decide this on a whim, that this is why I have some problems timing my morning routine. Or buying ingredients but then not having a clue what to do with any of them.

Just. Whatever. I am so tired of feeling misunderstood and disbelieved. It’s disrespectful. Why would I want someone in my life who disbelieves me? Why do I have to feel compelled to show documentation in order to explain that some of my behaviors follow such & such pattern and that’s what I’m trying to figure out the work-arounds for? But I know a life without that aspect being believed. I know it already and that’s a failed life. I won’t do that.

I’ll continue working to improve my morning routine (I’ve succeeded an amazing number of times now — but you have no idea how amazing it is. My mom knows, though. Even my uncle knows). I’ve been doing really well. I even did fairly well this morning at getting ready quickly, with the exception of deciding to have breakfast, and even then I don’t think I took too long over eating. It must have been when I was trying to prevent one cat from eating the other cat’s breakfast. That did take a while. Peter must have been waiting for me then. Regardless, it was the conversation afterward that is bothering me.

I want to be alone right now. Lick my wounds (I’m hyper sensitive and find that even just learning that someone was frustrated is very ouchy for me). Because I don’t ever want to make him late and I feel like if I had only KNOWN when he was trying to get out the door, I could have helped toward that goal. Instead I was in my own little world, which is my default state. And that, he didn’t seem to believe in — that my default state has no internal motivations. I have no sense of urgency without external stimulus. He didn’t believe that. How do I explain what I meant?

It takes too much energy and effort. I find that I’m tired. I accidentally slept for a while at my desk today! I can’t believe it. I might just go home right now. Nobody has asked me to do anything. I was going to vacuum but I could do it tomorrow instead.

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Poem: Death V

How am I supposed to look you in the eyes tomorrow
And say Goodbye.
Tell me how.
How can I give you a hug
and hold you tight
and breathe your scent
one final time?

Tell me how.
How can I tell you I love you?
How can I show you I care?
How will you know 1000 times all the ways I wish I could be there?

But you won’t know.
Your mind is elsewhere.
Only I will know.
It’s up to me to say goodbye now,
and you unaware
with eyes half-massed
and face turned away
and body still
Yet breathing
And sometimes you accept food and liquid.

How.

How can I leave you like this?
How can I leave you knowing there’s little chance of ever seeing you again?

–innerdragon

Poem: Death II

For selfish reasons,
I recall your final words to him
And his final breath
You will see him again.

But the Selfish Living (me)
wishes to keep you parted
another day
another week
another year
And keep your loving eyes here
Fixated on the living family encircling you.

For selfish reasons,
I fear your absence.
I fear a life without you.
I fear what will become of those you leave behind.

–innerdragon

Poem: Death I

Why do we have to change?
Why can’t we stay the same?
So full of love
Your eyes
So gentle and kind
So full of wanting to see us smile
Wanting us to be happy
Rejoicing in our joy
And your great-grandbabies
Why do we have to go?
Why can’t we stay together always?
Why can’t I wrap you in my love and keep you safe from mortality?
Why can’t you stay with us forever?

–innerdragon