Got up early for breakfast, but then fell back asleep for hours
Walked to a distant store for a couple of items
Tried to study more
Walked and took a bus for Pokémon game (met up with at least 15 people, I think!)
Studied more and lifted a few weights
Bf home late from work, and is currently downstairs working so I’m not talking to him or anything yet (seems absorbed in work). Oh no wonder, he’s taking tomorrow off so he is probably working a lot of extra today.
Wow, it’s the 16th day? That means I didn’t go down another 5mg when I was supposed to (after 2 weeks, so that would have been yesterday-ish). Close enough. And let me tell you, this is more scary now than before, after I had two intense days of anger (which I tend to then turn inward into hopelessness).
15mg Lexapro, norm. thyroid meds
iron tablet, multivite tablet
exercise (walking & a little dancing & a little weights)
Kind of pessimistic outlook but not upset or anything
I painted yesterday evening. I wish I could share it on here. It’s perfect for a Homesick person. I’m not angry anymore (like I was yesterday and the day before). But I’m pretty scared for the upcoming days, if I really do start to reduce my Lexapro again tomorrow morning. Oh, man. The part that I look forward to is the one dose of Prozac. Last time, that took away all of my anxiety the next day! That was miraculous and I’d love to have that every day. You really can’t appreciate how debilitating anxiety is until you have a space without it. Those so-called “normal” humans have no idea. No idea, at all. I begrudge them.
Oh, also, my psychiatrist wrote me back a very kind message in response to what I sent yesterday when I was quite angry and had let her know what had upset me so much during our appointment. UPDATE: Just to clarify, I had been angry with my psychiatrist but that is different from what I was angry at yesterday & the day before. That latter anger went away either last night after painting, or during the night, or this morning.
Magnesium-whatever-else vitamin; fish oil capsule; chewable multi-vite
Hardly any exercise at all, though
Pretty chill all day
Angry a few times but not strongly and not for long; a mild tingle of anxiety once because I’m taking an exam tomorrow, but only for a split second and it was gone
I wonder if my chillness of today is from the 10mg of Prozac last night? Sweet dawg, that’s all I can say.
Perhaps a few moments of a strange feeling when I blink/ turn my head, but very mild
Seriously, if weaning off of Lexapro proves detrimental, I will be requesting a low dose of Prozac to go along with the Lexapro in the future. Walking around and experiencing no anxiety? Hearing people argue and experiencing no anxiety? Fucking awesome. Maybe I was mad to think I’d feel better OFF of the drugs. Maybe what I needed was just a change in meds!
But, stay the course for now! I’m dying of curiousity to see how I feel w/o the Lexapro.
I didn’t take my final today after all. Studied the whooole day, with my bf’s help. I’ll take it tomorrow morning NO MATTER WHAT.
15mg Lexapro, in the morning (with usual thyroid med)
1 fish oil capsule, 1 magnesium-something-or-other-vitamin
Some exercise (walking)
10mg Prozac, before dinner
Actually, I had moments of happiness. Maybe I am very excited about this process
I did get angry at one point but not more than I have on previous days. It didn’t last long, which is unusual for me
I still have cramps (unrelated)
By around 4pm, I started to feel light-headed and a little dizzy. By 6pm, I took the Prozac because it was just getting worse and I was at a dinner party at my Uncle’s house with family and I wanted to feel okay. It worked very rapidly.
Alas, the dinner party started out fantastic. My brother told some growing-up stories I hadn’t heard before and they were amazing. I haven’t laughed that hard in AGES. But it ended with an ugly twist. I’m not sure if my uncle was just drunk or frankly, I believe, high. I don’t know. But he did say some very odd things, even for him, and for a while talked a lot about race and made someone at the table feel wretched and she left for a while and when returned, had been crying. Nobody knew what to do. It had been such a fun evening before things got weird.
Also, I didn’t study very much and tomorrow is my final. I’m probably going to fail. Since it feels hopeless, I find that I don’t care about it as much as I should.
Today begins a true attempt at weaning off of Lexapro 20mg, with permission and help from my psychiatrist. Update: I have been on the drug for over 10 years straight.
I definitely want to document this process so I will know if the withdrawal becomes too unbearable, or in the end if I just need to go back on because I was better on it, etc.
* 15mg Lexapro in the morning (with usual thyroid dose)
* 1 capsule of fish oil and a multivitamin, just because
* I must get in some solid exercise, just because
* tonight, 10mg of Prozac (this will allegedly ease the withdrawal symptoms because of the longer half life) UPDATE: I did not take it because I didn’t feel dizzy or zappy or anything
* Have had diarrhea and cramps for 2 days, totally unrelated (could be PMS, food not agreeing with me, or a bug)
* Very anxious about being on the 15mg today — waiting for the electric zappies to hit me at any time, but they haven’t started yet.
That’s all there is to report about this for now. 🙂
In other news, I’m doing terribly at focusing on schoolwork. TERRIBLY. But within three days of now, I will have taken another Final exam. I’m not sure if I’ll pass it.