I’m back and getting re-centered

Hi all, I was gone out of town for a while. It was awesome in every way. I saw tons of family, including my parents. I walked the beach. I met my little cousins-once-removed or whatever they are.

Then, my mom and I went to a music workshop that was so wonderful. We also had two members of my mom’s music group join. I learned a ton and the area was nice and the food was great and the instructors were SO nice and blah blah blah. Wonderful.

Now I’m back and I’m still retaining motivation to practice music and I’m still motivated to play Pok√©mon Go but I haven’t gotten back into gardening yet and I haven’t gotten back into schoolwork yet. I’m volunteering at the animal shelter still, though, but I haven’t been very timely as of late.

I also need to clean up this bedroom. What a pig sty.

The garden has gotten ignored by me for a couple of reasons. One, when I got back, the lettuce has all become huge and kind of … old. I think it needs to be trimmed back to 2 inches and allowed to regrow. Maybe the new leaves won’t be bitter?

Peas in a pod

Mmm peas

Second, the peas have been allowed to fall forward and become completely, unmanageably tangled into the plants in front of it. So I can’t even get into them anymore. It’s just a low tangle of pea plants now. If weeds grow inbetween, I can’t get to them. If there are bugs that need to be picked, I can’t see them. I can’t even see all of the peas themselves that are growing. So I don’t know what to do with them. and thus have kind of been ignoring them. I have forgotten to water the garden twice and the lettuce suffered. ūüė¶ But, one of these days, I’ll at least deal with the lettuce.

Wood duck in water

Wood duck

I still Pok√©walk with “Joe” each Monday and that’s one of my favorite things to do. I’ve been meeting tons and tons of people due to the new Pok√©mon Go Raids needing certain minimum numbers of people in order to achieve them. It’s been great. But I did meet one person who has physical boundary issues and I’m going to have to address it verbally next time he and I happen to be walking the same areas. “Stand/sit at least 3 feet from me at all times.” I guess when you meet enough people, some are bound to bring something challenging to the table.

I have a head cold right now but I still have energy so I’m still going out. I wore a mask when on public transit yesterday, just in case I were to start coughing (didn’t end up coughing, thankfully).

Note to folks who like to have empty seats next to them on public transit: Wear a very obvious mask. You will likely have a lot of space left just for you.

Okay. Goals for myself:
* Laundry
* Water garden (cut some of the old lettuce?)
* Get halfway into Topic2 homework
* Try another Moltres raid ūüėČ (Pok√©monGo)

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Squirrel

Squirrel

Well, here I go. I’ll be away from the computer for a couple of weeks. I spent the entire day yesterday attempting to pack but it was overwhelming. Executive function for the … not win. Came in 200th, perhaps?

Anyway, I found a group of people that plays Pok√©monGO, so when I get back, I’ll be able to meet up with more people for the level 4 raids. Very exciting. Real, human people. I met them the other day and they gave me a plushie Pok√©ball because they had extra. I like this. They had a bag of battery packs on the ready in case anyone needed one. They’re prepared.

I need to stop picking at my acne. Bandaids are in play. The pictures are going to look awful.

One main issue outstanding: I never signed the paperwork over for my pony. If I die on this trip, there will be some contention over ownership, and that’s not what I want. I should at least write a non-legally-binding letter letting people know my intention to transfer her my pony.

Everything else? If I die, I don’t believe there is anything else that would be difficult to clear up. So, I just need to write out my letter of intention and I’ll be good to go on this trip with perhaps lighter shoulders.

Cheers, all.

Log: May 11 (Mon) First night alone

May 11¬†(Mon):¬†Work 10:15a – 5:30p; Bring my aunt the jam from “Peter’s” mom, as well as a few flowers and a slice of watermelon, if they look good at the store after work; Vacuum my aunt + uncle’s house; Laundry; Rest; The following:

Dinner Plan:
*Complete Protein: Canned salmon …ALTERED
*Non-starchy Vegetable(s): Romaine lettuce, tomato …ALTERED
*Other: 

To Buy:
*Trail mix, to bring to work
*Lettuce + Tomato
*Flowers for my aunt …SUCCESS
*Watermelon slice for my aunt …SUCCESS

To Do:
*Any time: Update bottom paragraph of resume; Finalize references; Submit along w/ cover letter …UPDATED BUT haven’t submitted
*Any time: At least 2 Accounting lectures

*Any time: Apply for Music Workshop scholarship
*Any time: Write and send thank you letter to my aunt & grandma

*Any time: Update budget …SUCCESS the next day
*Any time: Schedule dental appt …SUCCESS

Log: This will be my first night alone in a surprisingly long time. I haven’t had much alone time lately, so I’m looking forward to it. If my uncle is in a good mood, I’ll probably chill with him tonight. If he’s not, I’ll be in my room, alone, doing alone things like filing some paperwork I’ve fallen behind on, and catching up on some emails and whatnot. Maybe I’ll read. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll sketch. Maybe I won’t. Maybe or not. ūüôā

So we woke up this morning and made breakfast. He made me more quinoa so I’d have a complete protein available today. Then we had a little extra time so we ended up making some eggs and bacon anyway, but I have the quinoa and some home-grown carrots (his mom’s) for lunch. I didn’t put any thought into lunch for today, so it’s just that. I see that I have a PBJ leftover from last Friday in the fridge, too. I’ll be good.

((The “cut” goes here))

UPDATE: After work, I took the train home and grocery shopped for myself and the pick up the watermelon and flowers for my aunt. I made a dinner for myself that wasn’t too tasty until I added sunflower seeds to it. But it looked fancy. It was shredded baby cucumber, green onion, and bell pepper. Then I added some olive oil, rice vinegar, salt, a mix seasoning, and some fresh lemon juice. It was all right but improved with the unsalted sunflower seeds.

Then I cleaned up after myself, washed the dishes that were already in the sink, and ran a load of laundry. Then I sketched (I posted one of them). I went to bed by 11p. I had a terrible anxiety attack while waiting to fall asleep. It started from replaying an innocent conversation I had with Peter or his folks or something, but rapidly spiraled into thinking about my ex and and then remembering the time of the falling apart and then came the emotional torment of the knowledge of things gone wrong and how it could happen and how things were when we thought we’d end up together forever, etc. Moment of panic and being almost unable to survive it. If you’ve never had a panic attack, it’s hard to explain the moment of feeling like you will literally not survive it. A moment of terror like there is no escape. It was not too bad as far as that goes; I still felt able to breathe at least. I don’t know how I stepped out of it fast enough that I was able to calm back down and sleep within another 45 minutes. Today’s Mood Ranking: 4 – 5

CUT FOR SOME TMI GROSSNESS (my throat is not healthy)

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Log: May 5 (Tue) Lots to do!

May 5¬†(Tue):¬†NO Therapy;¬†Work 10:00a – 4:30p;¬†Visit w/ Shelly maybe for lunch; Music practice w/”Peter” 6:45p; (I¬†haven’t yet decided)

Dinner Plan:
*Complete Protein: (Maybe brown Jasmine rice) + (Unknown nut equivalent) …SUCCESS (brown Jasmine rice and pine nuts)
*Vegetable: Steamed green beans …SUCCESS (boiled green beans) Also had some carrot + hummus, and half an avocado, and a little bit of salmon

To Buy:
*Bread for lunch¬†PBJs …SUCCESS
*Carrots for lunch …SUCCESS
*Hummus for lunch …SUCCESS
*A non-broken watch with multiple alarms feature

To Do:
*At work: Invoice#1wj (3/4 done; waiting on supervisor’s revisions)
*At work: Invoice#2sur (3/4¬†done; waiting on supervisor’s revisions)
*At work: Invoice#3dc (3/4¬†done; waiting on supervisor’s revisions)
*At work: Invoice#4gas (3/4¬†done; waiting on supervisor’s revisions)
*Any time: At least 2 Accounting lectures (completed 1)

*Any time: Apply for Music Workshop scholarship
*After work: Rinse and chop up carrots and bring to work
*After work: Make six more PBJs and bring to work
*After work: Practice music
*Any time: Write and send thank you letter to my aunt & grandma

To Pick Up From Uncle’s House:
*Last month’s therapy bill to submit to insurance
*My VitaMix
*My birth certificate, for passport application
*My back-up drive
*Some earrings
*My hairbrush

The log part for today: It was hard for me to get out of bed this morning. I had taken 1 mg of clonazepam last night and also we’d been doing our computer work and went to bed too bloody late. I’m going to fall apart soon, for real. I’m actually going to leave work now, 1.5 hours early, and just go to my uncle’s house and crash. I’ve had enough social time for now. I love “Peter’s” presence but I find I’m not relaxing into it enough yet. I’m still in a mode too intense to be sustainable. Like, too intensely trying to learn, too intensely trying to observe, too intensely trying to listen and understand. Just too intense and my energy’s depleted. I need to go home, alone, in a dark room, by myself, and just recharge my battery. De-stress. De-worry. De-neurotic-ize myself. It’s my fear-of-failure coming at me, btw. It’s driving me insane with its intensity. I’ve got to chill the fuck out.

Oh yeah, but I’d done the bulk of breakfast this morning, I think. I was pretty fast. Made it to work at an okay time. Today’s Mood Ranking: 4-5

UPDATE!!! I left work an hour early. I biked nearly all the way to my uncle’s and then “Peter” let me know he was going to be back a bit early, too. I was feeling a lot better thanks to the bike ride, so I went there after all. We grocery shopped and cooked and then it was too late for practicing music. Got ready for bed and went to sleep. Evening Mood Ranking: 5, 5.5