Weaning off Lexapro: Days 74, 75

Meds:

  • 5mg Lexapro(crazy), normal thyroid meds
  • exercise: walking and bicycling

Symptoms:

  • Quicker to become irritable
  • Quicker to feel hopeless about relationship

Journal Items:

  • This has been a difficult couple of days relationship-wise.
  • Bedtimes are out of control and I’m feeling extremely passive aggressive over it, which doesn’t help me accomplish anything productive, believe me.
  • I need to redo my resume. I need to apply to jobs again. I need to get a job. I need to earn an income.
  • Because… I need to feel more independent. I’m of half a mind to cut & run from this relationship right now. But I can’t feel objective about it when I’m so financially dependent right now.
  • Rant: I KNEW these things in advance. I TOLD myself I’d be more careful the next time. But that damn honeymoon period, so to speak, locks me into a relationship and I get to know and care about the other person. Then later, when it all settles out and the person doesn’t have the qualities I already know that I need, it’s hard to get out. What are the two main things I’m bitching about right now? *) Not a dog person, which is IMPORTANT to me, and *) Has even worse executive functioning than I have, which is a BIG DEAL for me. And I’ll add another: not fully aware of how poor his own executive functioning is. Definitely blamed ME for avoiding certain conversations, when it was so, so clear that the convos didn’t happen because we’d both forgotten and never got around to it! Give me a LITTLE bit of the benefit of the doubt, would ya? This is all not. easy. [[Note to the reader: this is NOT an unbiased story and it is NOT a complete picture in the slightest. I’m merely venting some poison.]]
  • I’m studying very slowly but thoroughly right now (it’s an important class, so I’m opting for over-studying rather than under-studying, atm).
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Weaning off Lexapro: Days 72, 73

Dramatic, dark clouds with light highlights and patches of blue sky, plus a gull

Clouds from Monday’s walk

Meds:

  • 5mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
  • B12, sublingual
  • Multivite, chewable
  • Exercise: walking

Symptoms:

  • Some acid reflux
  • Instant crankiness
  • Feel like life is out of control
  • Tired

Journal Items:

  • I had something on Monday, I had something on Tuesday, I have something today (a primary care doctor appointment that I wish I could put off for another few months), and I have something tomorrow evening
  • I finished the book I was reading for fun
  • Pokémon Go keeps me busy and moving around outdoors and interacting with people
  • I’ve started a new class that is going to be very, very full of important information. It’s a very central class and the reading is dense. I’m not even through the first chapter yet.

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 45 – 71

Meds for Days 45 – 70:

  • 10mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
  • vitamins when I remembered
  • electrolyte beverage on days when I remembered
  • walking, some bicycling

Symptoms for Days 45 – 70:

  • Pretty neutral (that’s why I had stopped recording for a while — it started to feel like every day was pretty similar to the day before it)

Meds for Day 71 (today):

  • 5mg Lexapro (!!!), normal thyroid meds
  • 10mg Prozac
  • vitamins, chewable
  • electrolyte beverage
  • 22,000+ steps of walking

Symptoms for Day 71 (today):

  • At some point, I had a brief moment of vertigo
  • I got a stomach ache
  • I had a lot of reflux and when I laid down, it [censored]
  • My bf, who I’ve been fine with for weeks now, said one little thing I shot off to instant rage/hatred

I am not looking forward to the next few weeks at this dose. (But today’s walk was lovely!)

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 44

Sunset with pinks and oranges and yellows, and deep blue

Sunset tonight

Meds:

  • 10mg Lexapro; norm thyroid meds
  • multivite tablet
  • fish oil
  • sunshine & a little bit of walking

Symptoms:

  • woke up with terrible stomach ache
  • feel kind of sick but no concrete symptoms
  • head feels heavy; a little irritable

Journal Items:

  • Appointment with [assistance] (can’t remember if I’ve ever written about this before, so I’ll leave it w/o comment). I think it went well. I feel a lot more focused on studies again, and on finding a part-time job
  • I finally, after an entire year since qualifying, signed up for the reduced bus fare for low income people
  • Feel exhausted and kind of sick

Tomorrow Preview:

  • Tomorrow, I get up at 6:45am to get ready and leave for a memorial service that is a ways away
  • Tomorrow, I MUST finish chapter 8 in my studies

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 43

Meds:

  • 10mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
  • lots and lots of walking
  • electrolyte beverage
  • fish oil capsule
  • multivite, chewables

Symptoms:

  • Neck and upper back muscles SUPER TIGHT
  • Slept poorly last night (stomach ache; onion or garlic coming out of my pores; yuck)
  • Very black mood (cranky / irritable) at start of walk
  • Mostly just a headache by the end of the walk; mood more toward neutral
  • Cranky again once I got home

Journal Items:

  • Pokéwalk today, extra walking if that’s possible
  • Learned of 2 deaths; one at my bf’s workplace and one in my extended family
  • Did not have a particularly healthy dinner

Weaning off Lexapro: Days 41 and 42

Meds:

  • 10mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
  • electrolyte beverage
  • medium-low amount of walking

Symptoms:

  • Depressed mood
  • Hopeless thoughts, about my life & relationship
  • Not motivated to move or do anything

Journal Items:

  • Yesterday was awful. Did I do anything productive at all? I felt just awful, emotionally
  • I’m sure I did laundry and I applied to two jobs
  • Today, I volunteered with cats and … that’s all

Weaning off Lexapro: Day 40

Meds:

  • 10mg Lexapro, normal thyroid meds
  • electrolyte beverage
  • a little bit of walking

Symptoms:

  • Fretting over my current relationship with bf
  • UPDATE: A symptom I’ve been forgetting to mention but have been experiencing for a couple of weeks: a strange, warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach. It’s very unusual for me. It’s almost like, a positive, warm fuzzy happy feeling? It’s really weird.
  • UPDATE: The acid reflux stuff seems to have eased off

Journal Items:

  • Got up for an appointment with a course professor at 9am
  • Went for a walk afterward
  • Ate breakfast/lunch at a cafeteria type place
  • Went to a library to focus on my studies
  • Kind of frittered away time once I got back home
  • Watching horse videos online and some stuff on learning disorders
  • Wrote an extremely long email to relationship counselor (she’s already replied; she’s very nice and makes me feel hopeful)
  • Ate dinner late (9pm)
  • Getting ready for bed