Weaning off Lexapro: Days 8 + 9

Blue sky with white, streaky cloud in late afternoon, with ocean water on a bit of sand

Two years ago-ish, which is hard to believe

8th Day:

  • 15mg Lexapro, norm. thyroid meds
  • fish oil, mulit-vite
  • minimal exercise (walking)

9th Day:

  • 15mg Lexapro, norm. thyroid meds
  • Update: fish oil

Symptoms:

  • I am still SO TIRED. It is less than 2 days ago, but still very bad. It’s not lack of sleep (although it could be lack of REGULAR schedule)
  • Not in a very talkative mood, which is hard since my schedule involves A LOT of human interaction last week/this week
  • My fingertips are kind of tingly, like very mild zappies
  • Update: Cranky / IN A SECRETIVE MOOD

Additional:

  1. So my partner is injured as of late, and can’t walk without assistance. I think that has hampered my own exercising. Perhaps I should go out on a bicycle ride right now.
  2. Listen, Friday night, dinner with bf and friend. Sat. night dinner with bf, his folks, and their friends. Sun. night dinner with bf, my brother, his gf, and his friends. Tonight, dinner with bf and his parents. And I’ve had NO PRIVACY FOR A WEEK. You don’t have to know me super well to know that I’m trying to withdraw into a dark cave but people find me there anyway.
  3. And, I’m doing this withdrawing from Lexapro thing. And I’m not really sure it’s going well, with how damn tired I am and withdrawn from wanting to talk to anybody.
  4. Plus, it’s Christmas time. Hanukkah is celebrated here, and Christmas, in a way. My mom sent me a box but it made me kind of sad because I could tell she put in a lot of things that she hoped bf’s parents would like. I always open her box in private, hoping it’s something special between the two of us, but since I’ve been living here, it’s always like jams and stuff that she hopes bf’s folks will like. I only like 2 kinds of jam and I buy them from a store and nobody else likes them so they’re just mine. I’ll talk to her about it at some point, but I don’t want it to be right now because then she might feel guilty for the box, and I don’t want that. I put it off last year, too, and then forgot to ever bring it up, and now we’re in this situation again.
  5. Not as if it’s the same as being there. We always ski together on Christmas day. That’s our family thing. We have breakfast together and then we ski.
  6. I’ve been studying better again lately, so now I’m less sure about my plan for next semester (going back to the city college, working again as a tutor, etc.)
  7. Nope, I can’t go bicycling now. They want to watch more Dirk Gently and will go insane if I postpone it because it’s already been postponed every day for a week.
  8. I’ll lift some little weights instead. And do some crunches. And a push-up, if I’m strong enough.
  9. “Next year” I’ll do my own Christmas celebrations. It’s just never the same as you get older, you know? You have traditions as a child. Then you grow up and everyone else’s traditions interfere with your own. I’m lacking the “quiet reflection” part of it, and the connection with the outdoor, natural world (as if there’s such a thing here in a city??? Fuck)
  10. Update: Thinking of positive things I’ve experienced that any potential child of mine could never, ever experience, like the being put on the shuttle for hours by one set of relatives and ending up at the other end with another set of relatives. But in the meantime, spending all of those hours to myself, listening to my walkman and watching out the window, and day dreaming. But my relatives aren’t spread in such a way for that to work, anymore.
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