The moods had a reason, and 1 other thing

Amazingly, the intense mood swings seem to have had a reason. I don’t know why it took me over a month to figure it out. They had seriously intensified after I had returned here from visiting my parents & dog. Also during that time, I parted with my pony. I don’t talk about her on here much for a reason. But there you have it. I had a beloved family member for many, many years, and I finally gave her away officially.

And I could not focus on school the following month. And my mood swings were intense. But now that I realize the connection, my moods have been a lot more stable (no pun intended).

I’m finally making progress again in class.

My boyfriend and I are going to couple’s therapy and it’s been so great. We are both learning a ton. I really like the lady we are seeing.

However, one thing that we are doing lately is giving each other “histories”. They are formatted quite specifically but my bf went first and so I have known for several weeks now that my turn is coming up and I’ve been getting quite nervous about it. They are somewhat brief and don’t go into tons of detail. I believe that the ultimate point is going to be to see how he and I individually learned what relationships look like, how to show love, what we’ve seen work and not work in our own families, etc. But there’s also some question as to any moments of abuse and how they might still be affecting us / affecting how we are in relationships / that sort of thing. The thought of having to speak about such things again has generated a lot of racing thoughts in me, particularly in the form of insomnia. Such as right now. It’s hard to know something is coming and have too much time for dwelling.

I did find it informative to hear my bf’s story, though. In spite of having known facts about his life growing up, it was interesting to hear it through the particular format that she’s asking the questions and stuff. I didn’t explain that well.

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One thought on “The moods had a reason, and 1 other thing

  1. It’s ok – you did explain that fine. Sometimes by going over things in a different order, they appear differently to us and enlighten us as to how they could be not so bad – or are easier to walk away from. I understand that bad moods come from seemingly unrelated ‘little’ things that were in fact utterly important. I feel your reluctance about sharing some of the past with your bf. There are some parts of my past I don’t want to share with my bf either – because I want to be able to walk away from them, stop living with them, not bring them into this relationship, be who I can be now in the present/future, not still chained to the past. I hope that helps more than it messes things up.

    Liked by 2 people

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