Sometimes, I hate everything

Sometimes, I hate everything. Sometimes, I think things are great. Then BOOM. Kaboom. Crash. Explosions. Hatred and resentment.

And I DON’T trust that you have my best interests in mind. Then what.

You could have just TOLD me in the first fucking place, you know? So I don’t just grow more and more upset as the night goes on. So I don’t start building resentment and eventually explode and make a fool of myself yet again when I find out what’s actually going on. Why you don’t just fucking TELL me?

Communication sucks.

Sometimes, I hate people. I just hate people.

What I know is true is that since my divorce years ago, I find myself unable to forgive. Unable to stop suspecting the worst about people. Never letting my guard actually down.

You can be innocent but I will believe guilty until proven otherwise. Except, there is no proof that I’ll accept.

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2 thoughts on “Sometimes, I hate everything

  1. I can feel the pain and fear in your words. If you forgive, that’s like saying that what happened was ok. If you forget, that means laying yourself open to having it happen again. Communication sucks because we are all so different, and that means that not everyone wants to hurt others. I figure it’s ok to not forgive the original hurter, and self-protective to not forget the hurt, but if you don’t give a different person a chance to be a different non-hurter, you’re potentially depriving yourself of a good relationship, even if that does involve some mis-communications. I sure want to give you a hug right now. Though that’s probably the last thing you want at the moment….

    Liked by 2 people

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