So angry.

I’m in the rottenest mood on the planet today. I woke up this way. I probably went to bed this way.

How the hell do you get rid of the “grammarly” icon below? I can’t believe how irritating that is. Every moment I’m typing, it’s coming up with more errors, which I’d have to make an account and sign in to see how it wants me to fix them. Shut. Up.

So last week, a person was hired to be a sort of me at work on the days I’m not there. Great, right?

Except, I come in today and the place is a fucking MESS. The dishes are piled in the sink — oh look, they saved them ALL for me. The coffee pot wasn’t even rinsed, nor were the old grounds dumped out from the top. WTH. There’s ink boxes left out near the printers (put them away in their spot, where you got them out from, which is 3 feet away??). She used my COMPUTER. There’s 3 other computers she could have used. She logged me out and logged herself in to my computer! It’s definitely the day for me to clear off all of my personal shit from this machine and log out my usernames. No more remote-access from home for me — guess she’ll be in charge of the faxing now, although nobody’s asked me to show her how to use the new system. Whatever. I don’t care today.

There’s two giant boxes of printer paper — WHY?! I pre-purchased TONS of paper recently — it’s all nicely filed away beneath the printers — and mine is 100% recycled whereas this shit isn’t even 1% recycled! FAIL.

She knocked over my paper shredder and there’s bits of paper around my chair and such now. Looks like she tried to vacuum it up — the vacuum canister is OVER THE FILL LINE with bits of paper — didn’t even empty out the canister after vacuuming!!! Don’t you know how to treat a Dyson?!

Of course, it doesn’t help that all of this was done in “secret”. As if I couldn’t hear them all whispering from the office next to my little desk? … Right. Um, you know, your door doesn’t seal. It just sort of sits ajar… And I’m like 12 feet away… I can hear you discussing your new hire and discussing what tasks she’s going to replace from me… And yes I do know, despite your whispered assurances that I don’t.

And nobody watered the plant all week. Maybe I can take it with me when I leave, which is going to be quite soon.

My uncle gave me the option, do I want to keep working Fridays or quit altogether so I can focus more on my schoolwork? The money tempted me to stay on, but I’ve never felt comfortable in this job. You guys will remember that. I’ve always dreaded and kind of loathed coming here, without knowing exactly why.

Just get me out of here.

Meanwhile, my bf and I have to move out of our apartment. We’ll move out around November 8th. That’s kind of soon. That’s in about 2 weeks. I’ve been crying randomly since figuring that out. I don’t want to move and I certainly don’t think moving in with his dad for $1500/month is the proper alternative. But is my current spot really worth me using up my life’s savings? Get with it, innerdragon. No. Nothing is worth using up my life savings. It’s just a roof over my head. And a fucking amazing kitchen I’m very comfortable and happy with. And a location directly near the public transit and a very nice grocery store. I can hardly breathe.

I woke up with no interest or positivity possible. No smile. No wanting to open my eyes. Only complaints spoken to my bf. Tears as I’m waiting for my train to take me to work this morning. Thinking about $1500/mo for a tiny room at my bf’s dad’s house where the kitchen is tiny and we’ll all be sharing the same toilet. I won’t have my own freezer. I NEED my own freezer. I can’t feed myself if I don’t have my own freezer. And are they going to be arguing politics a lot? Maybe I’m wrong about that.

It’s just a roof over my head. It’s just plot of building in a location I had no right to grow so damn attached to.

Normally, I look forward to things.

  • Listening to “Welcome to NightVale” podcast
  • Practicing Spanish on DuoLingo’s free app
  • Studying Accounting in the tutoring lab when Greta and others are there
  • Taking random photographs

But this morning? I had nothing. Nothing to get me to open my eyes or out of bed. My bf tried so hard. In the end, I begged for something to look forward to this evening. He suggested we could eat icecream together. That worked. Tonight, he and I are going to eat our pistachio-chocolate dairy-free gelatos we have in our freezer that we picked up some weeks ago from the chocolate shop that’s directly outside of our apartment.

I think I need to be gone during the moving process. Maybe I could begin packing right away, and then I will go out of town somehow and just pay for someone to move my things for me. I can’t handle this emotional rollercoaster. Y’all surely remember when I was in charge of moving my workplace, I became quite severely depressed and hopeless. Moving and me DO NOT GO TOGETHER.

I dissociated most of yesterday. That is not my norm. Grammarly is informing me that I have 17 errors worthy of a BOLD, RED CIRCLE IN MY VISUAL FIELD.

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One thought on “So angry.

  1. You do have quite a bit of upheaval on your plate at the moment – job and moving…Perhaps ‘Dad’s’ will be temporary enough for you to hold your breath over the toilet thing and perhaps negotiate for the freezer as you have such dietary restrictions. It sounds like the only good thing about the part time job at this point is the paycheck. And when you consider the price of the commute, event that gets smaller. Sounds like it’s time to move on. Your replacement may make them wish you’d come back. It is an employers own instant karma to replace an employee. Maybe a new, better, part time job will pop in for you, closer at least. Maybe the new neighborhood will allow more dog-sitting opportunities that will feed your dog love needs.
    The packing vs. moving thing gave me an idea – perhaps if you offer to do the packing for both you and your bf he will do the moving part? Here’s another one – not sure if you’re superstitous or not; we have a saying in my family “Friday flit, short sit”. So if you’re moving to ‘Dad’s’ on a Friday, it should hopefully be temporary until something good comes along. Hope the pistachio chocolate treat was as delicious as it sounds. I can’t help you at all with the “grammarly…” If it didn’t correct them before you posted, don’t worry, I didn’t notice any grammatical booboos.

    Like

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