Log: Jun 20 – 22 (Sat – Mon) Lots of rest

Jun 20 (Sat): Tree planting 9:00a – 2p; Nap + watch a DVD
Jun 21 (Sun): Spent time with Peter’s father, helped picked plums for homemade jam, sold another large item for my aunt + uncle
Jun 22 (Mon): Work 9:45a – 5:30p; Go to pharmacy; Go to aunt + uncle’s house / Fly to Grandma?

Saturday: Tree planting. I’m glad we went. Peter and I were on a team of four and together we planted six trees and removed the stakes from a bunch of other trees that no longer required them. (I didn’t help with that part, but Peter did.) The first location was interesting and the owners of the lot in front of this sidewalk, who had requested the trees be put in there, were very generous and offered us beverages and gave a tour of the house, which had previously been other establishments and was pretty interesting inside.

Afterward, I only meant to rest on the bed for 15 minutes but once someone joins me for a nap, all bets are off. We didn’t wake up until 11p, at which time I ate some food, I think we may have watched a DVD at this point, and then went back to sleep. Major woops as far as having a stable schedule, but apparently weneeded the sleep, because we were both out.

Plum jam creation!

Plum jam creation!

Sunday: We had a late breakfast with Peter’s dad, hung out chatting at his house, although I ended up falling asleep for a while (well, his dad had tried to make me coffee but he used soy milk that was in the fridge and turned out to have been expired for over a year). I tried it and amazingly, I did not get at all sick from my taste-test (but the trial did make me get up and look at and sniff the carton, which is when I saw the Best-By date, which was March of 2014). Heh.

Then Peter and I helped to pick plums from this amaaaazing tree his dad has. We barely scratched the surface of ripe plums on that tree, but we filled the entire bucket so called it good. Meanwhile, his dad was making jam out of the plums, and gave us a huge jar of it. It’s so amazing. Oh!!! And I saw my FIRST CHINESE CRESTED dog of this area!!! I’ve been looking for over a year, and finally, finally found one!!!!! So I got to talk with her owner for a bit and show a picture of my dog.

Then we all had a late lunch together, and then Peter and I had to rush to meet a potential buyer for a large sale item at my aunt + uncle’s house. The buyer was very friendly and we all chatted for a long while, as his little dog ran around the yard, sniffing everything. Afterward, Peter + I talked with my aunt + uncle for a while before going back home to his city, just in time for bed. And I was soo happy.

Monday: I was only about 3 minutes late leaving the apartment this morning, from the time we’d agreed upon leaving. Woot woot. That’s pretty damn good, for me. I still wish I didn’t have to wait to the last second to get that drive to actually move and gather things, but that’s how it’s always been. It takes an incredible amount of stress and pressure for me to actually organize my thoughts and remember the things I want to grab. I should try writing out more schedules for myself and try out new formats and such. Something will one day be effective for me, I am sure of it.

Anyway, meanwhile, I got an update about my maternal grandma. She is on the morphine regularly now, per doctor’s orders. They think she will die sooner than later at this point. All I can say is that when her husband went onto the morphine regularly like this, it marked one week before he died.

I am torn in several ways. I want to be there with my family. But I did already get to say goodbye to my grandma. I already have tickets for this weekend to go with Peter to his cousin’s bar mitzvah. He bought the tickets himself and they were $600 so I don’t want to poop out on him and his dad and I was pretty excited to get to fly out there and meet his family and stuff. On one hand, I could go to my grandma right now, today, and be there all week. Then leave for the weekend and come back afterward. There is no higher priority to me than my Family. Even if it cost me $1000 a trip, it would still be worth it to me, to be with Family during a time that, in my opinion and for me personally, offers a lot of closure and healing for something that is very painful. When her husband, my grandfather, died, the most wonderful part of the experience was afterward when a lot of family gathered informally in a room there at the hospice hospital, and spontaneously shared stories we remembered about him that meant a lot to us. And it brought me closer to those family members, too.

So I guess it is not that complex for me after all. I want to be there. Maybe I feel guilty to think I would only want to be there if she dies. So let’s think, if I am there for the rest of this week and she is still hanging on, I will have still kept her company in a painful time. I will have still offered bonding and support with the other members of my Family who are there.

I’m on the phone now. I’m definitely going. Looking for tickets right now. 3-Day Mood Ranking: 5

UPDATE I am leaving in a couple of hours. I’m sooooooooooo anxious now, because I’m not even going to get to say goodbye to Peter face-to-face and I’m not coming back until Friday morning, when I’ll see him after he gets off of work that day, and then we leave together for the weekend. I’m going to miss him so much. But I’ll be so glad to be with family once I get to my grandma’s. I’m out for now.

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