Jun 7 (Sun): Airplane 10a; rest
Jun 8 (Mon): Work 8:30a – 5:30p; Go to uncle’s after work
Sunday: Said goodbye to my grandma. She was the most lucid she’s been the whole time I’ve seen her. She even ate breakfast (puree, fed to her by spoon). I couldn’t bring myself to say some of the things I was going to say to her, because she was very alert as I said goodbye. I kind of wish I hadn’t started crying while hugging her. I’m not sure if she knew I thought it might be our final goodbye or if she thought I was just sad about having to leave in general. I told her I love her and she told me she loves me.
I feel somewhat responsible for the following downtrodden mood of hers. My mom thinks maybe she got a stomach ache again and that’s what caused it, but I can’t help but feel that her sensing my sadness was also responsible. But apparently right after I left, she was saying things like she didn’t want to be a burden on anyone anymore, and stuff. But I thought, at least she is still saying sentences, maybe that’s a good sign.
But then she didn’t eat or drink really the rest of the day.
Meanwhile, I traveled back to these dual cities I am now calling home-ish. (My uncle’s city and Peter’s city.) I want to turn right back around and return to my grandma’s side. I already told them I would if they thought I’d be of any use. I would fly out this instant. She will be paying nurses and there is also hospice and so my grandma will have someone with her around the clock. But surely she would be even happier to have a familiar face by her side for a lot of that time. Oh, I am accidentally fast-forwarding this log — there is another development I haven’t written about yet, so look for her new home information farther down this log.
I was in airports most of the day due to flight mess-ups (well, like not being able to locate the co-pilot for several hours). Meanwhile, Peter had actually shown up at my arriving airport and was waiting for me! Good thing he brought a looong book because it was hours and hours before I arrived. We went to his apartment and I unpacked and told him about my grandma. It was nice to see him and he said it was nice that I’m back again and frankly I can’t think of anything that smells better than him. But I’m very confused and my heart is not here right now. I might go back to my grandma for a while; I haven’t decided.
Monday: Peter and I got up early and I made it to work by 8:30a. Crazy. I packed a PBJ to-go for breakfast. But ended up eating some granola for breakfast and the PBJ for lunch and I’m pretty hungry and weak-feeling now, but I’m not doing anything about it. I’ll leave work shortly and head to my aunt and uncle’s house. Maybe there will be food; if not, I have a frozen TV dinner in the downstairs freezer.
I caught up on things here at work. Except we did receive a bill for a service I personally cancelled six months ago, and they refused to acknowledged it because I did it over the phone and have no paper trail. Bloody hell. I’ll deal with it more tomorrow. I have a call in to a company that might be able to back my story.
Anyway, so work has gone well today. I was busy and productive for quite a while. I even called my health insurance again and am told that my termination letter is on its snail-mail way to me, and my case is currently in “appeals” and I should know more within a week or 2. Here’s hoping.
I also made a passport application appointment, finally, and also sent for another record of my birth certificate, because I am so anxious at the thought of having to mail in my only original birth certificate for this passport application.
SO the development with my grandma is that she was refusing food and liquid again today. Hospice was consulted again and it was decided to move my grandma to my aunt + uncle’s house there. I am very glad of it. She was SO unhappy at the new place.
See, she had lived in a certain assisted living facility for YEARS. She had friends and all of her familiar things around her there. But after 7 hospitalizations, including the previous SEVERE UTI and a possible mini-stroke (they’re still not sure), she was deemed unable to remain there, because she needed a more intense level of care than could be provided at that place.
So after her UTI was cleared up (the hospital said the UTI was so severe, they were surprised it hadn’t killed her), she was moved to a new home, one with a special unit for dementia patients and would be able to care for her. Before she could move into her new room, they had her for a short while in a different unit of the building, a rehab center, where she was supposed to regain enough strength to help her transfer safely to her chair and toilet, and feed herself, etc.
However, she’s been unhappy at this place. She begs to go home and see her friends but she can’t. Her rehab room looks and smells like a hospital room. The staff is very busy and not really that personable with her. Even in the few days I was there, she got weaker and weaker and more and more remained in a brain fog and asleep, and lost the ability to chew and feed herself, and forgets things like swallowing.
Anyway, so today they decided to move her to my aunt and uncle’s place there. They work and are also unqualified for her level of care, but they have hired nurses and hospice and altogether, my grandma will have round the clock care. Hospice currently guesses she has another week to a month before she dies.
Maybe she will be so happy to be back in a familiar, homey, loving environment that she will remember the will to live and will start to eat and drink again. And if not, she will spend her final days in the most familiar, homey, loving environment possible, and I don’t think anyone could ask for more than that.
I’m going to sign up for classes that begin in August here, but I am very seriously considering spending some time between now and then with her there.