mood ranking: 3-6.2
missed lunch. Too much social. Wonderful but got insecure. Feel like cutting but I think it was blood sugar craziness. Not well tonight, went off by myself several times, probably weirded out his folks but can’t help that. Wanted to run but didn’t. Very weird tonight and am not talking, went into the dark to pet the cat who then got hyped up and tried to play with me but scratched me. She does that.
Bummed cause tonight is rough and probably aided to because tomorrow is supposed to be a hike but I’m too tired; too much social for me to handle at this exact second. Gonna have to assert aloneness either instead of the hike or after. Or maybe I’ll feel okay when my blood sugar levels out again.
Insecureness because I was so obviously the academically-stupidest person at dinner tonight. fascinstknc, absolutely fascinating topics tonight but with me not feeling well, easy for me to imagine them judging me for being so academically stupid.
got to find my other strengths and be confident in those during those moments. Feel really sick physically, though. Body very unwell tonight.
(typing from a phone and so my formatting is not usual)