Log: Apr 24 (Fri) Chores on my mind

Apr 24 (Fri): Work 10:00a – 5:30p, Pick up prescription 6p @pharmacy, Vacuum 7:30p @home

Flowers this morning

Flowers this morning

Today, I woke up next to “Peter” and that’s lovely. It was challenging to get up but I succeeded and showered quickly. We decided to eat breakfast out again, for having few ingredients in the fridge. We lingered over breakfast. He finished the last 3 pages of a book that I’d loaned him. It’s one of my favorite books. We discussed it a little and that was funny. He gave me a few names of some of the books he likes; I’m going to see if I can find audio versions of them.

I made it to work at a decent time. The rest of the day has yet to unfold. I feel slightly less ill today; my sore throat is gone. I’ve coughed a tiny bit and my snuffles are still present.

  • Must vacuum at my uncle’s house
  • Must remove some foul water from my cousin’s fish tank (and prep some fresh water for it)
  • Must stop at pharmacy and get prescription
  • Future: Want to stop at library and get library card. Shelly told me that once I have my library card, I can download audio books online from them for free!!!
  • I’d like to practice recorder. I plan on teaching myself alto fingerings
  • I’d like to practice guitar. I let my callouses go away again about a month or two ago
  • Look through more local schools for their Accounting courses; see if I can find a closer one than the nice-and-inexpensive one I found yesterday
  • Future: Want to take steps toward getting a passport

This will be updated as the day continues. UPDATE: I was all alone at work and wasn’t given any tasks the entire day. That is really weird. So although I could sure use the money, I ended up taking off for a couple of hours. I went to the library and several other places. I bought a dinner for myself. I am borrowing 2 audio books from the library!! I’m so excited to read them. Meanwhile, I’m trying out the new u-lock for my bicycle, in combination with my old cable lock, and instead of feeling safer, I feel more anxious. It’s weird. I kept staring and staring and staring at it after I’ve placed it. I just can’t tell if I’ve got it through all of the important parts or not. I ended up going back out and checking on my bike a couple of times at each of my stops. Hopefully I’ll get more used to using it. I just can’t seem to get it wrapped around the pole as well as the bicycle frame as well as the outside of the back wheel. That’s how everyone else I’ve seen does it, but I just can’t seem to get that to work. I suppose I should just focus on the frame and the pole as being most important and leave both tires to my old cable lock instead, because this is making me twitchy.

So all day today I’ve been thinking about me having gotten sick again. And one thing I can think of is that my allergies to all of the mattresses in my current bedroom are probably not helping my immune system fight shit off. Another problem with living in this bedroom is that I can’t use my loud, vibrating alarms because they disturb my aunt’s sleep. So I’m thinking that a win-win COULD be to switch rooms to the other unused room (aside from moving out altogether, which I’m passively working toward). The only issue is that room is much larger (harder to clean) and much dustier to begin with. The dogs used to be allowed in it so I did have some allergies to that room as well. But I imagine it will be less than my allergies to these mattresses.

Next, I could try reducing my refined sugar intake (( 😥 anything but that!!)). I can also try switching from my gummy vitamins to swallowable vitamins (it’s my opinion that gummy vites probably bind more with the yummy food stuffs holding them together and I probably don’t absorb much from them, but that’s not based on science, just my own suspicion).

Anyway, I’d better get bicycling back home. I want to go home, and start listening to an audiobook while I vacuum. PHARMACY! I nearly forgot!! Have to hit the pharmacy.

ANOTHER UPDATE: So it’s night now. I am about to vacuum / listen to the start of an audiobook. I am no longer very happy / pleased, emotionally. Bicycling home, my throat started to get sore again / feel quite swollen. Maybe my allergies and the vehicle exhaust irritated my throat again. I was too tired to hit the pharmacy / was carrying too much stuff already. I’ll have to go tomorrow, after the tree planting.

My uncle was “wasted” when I got home. He thought I was staying with “Peter” tonight. So he was wasted. Super drunk, possibly high or about to get high. He started badgering me about why I wasn’t with “Peter” on a Friday night. He did this last Friday as well. “Peter” and I never invited each other to anything for Friday. It wasn’t in my plans. I was going to come home, do chores, go to bed early for tomorrow morning’s tree planting. “Peter” is coming over at 8a which is super early for me.

But I guess the point is that he kept asking me what “Peter” is doing on his Friday nights and the questioning was getting really disturbing, especially since I never thought to ask “Peter”. I don’t really ask people what their plans are for days they’re not with me; it seems invasive. We’re dating but it doesn’t feel like it’s any of my goddamn business. Not that he wouldn’t tell me if I were to ask, but who wants someone playing “keeper” of their daily plans? I certainly don’t. I love sharing when I’m in the mood and will often over-share. But when I’m not in the mood to share, then questions like that feel very invasive.

But it started unsettling me. Because I don’t want to ask him how he spends his Friday nights. I have had my own mental image of “Peter” out there hanging out with coworkers or other friends after work, chillaxing with friends or family, eating out with other people, etc. Busy, in other words. Occupied with other aspects of Real Life. So I say to my uncle, I was with “Peter” this morning and he’s showing up super early for the tree planting with me tomorrow. To which my uncle replies, Yeah, but he wants to know where “Peter”‘s planting his seeds right now. Or something to that effect. Catch why I started to feel unsettled? I’m not insecure about what “Peter” was doing — I don’t have any insecurity at all about him out having sex with other women. But the topic itself started to disturb me. Like started to make me wonder if I really was supposed to know how he spends his Friday nights. WHICH IS COMPLETELY, FUCKING RIDICULOUS. Shit, man. Let him live his own life. That’s the whole point of this! That’s one of the things I really respect about him; he’s very independent. I don’t have any fear at all that I could hurt him; I don’t think I could. That’s something I find very comforting. He’s living his life and I have the freedom to live my own life, too. I don’t tell him my every movement and I certainly don’t want him to feel like he has to tell me his every movement. Mystery can be alluring.

Anyway. So I started to feel insecure. But, then So much pressure about Friday nights and other people’s expectations and what a big deal it is that I’m not with him on a Friday night. My ex used to consider Friday nights to be “date nights” and I always let him down. Because I consider Friday nights to be the night when I’m most exhausted from having just worked all week and I want to just go home and unwind and have some down time and get some laundry started (or in this case, vacuum the stairs here which have gotten really dirty).

***Cutting the rest and pasting into a new entry on the topic!***

We’ll see. For now, I shall go vacuum and start my audiobook!! 😀 I’m so excited about it.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: It’s sad and ironic, but “Peter” actually texted a good night to me tonight, so I already broke my new not-texting-him rule and texted him back goodnight. Because I love that. And it’s meaningful for me. And it’s not like I’m mad at him, so why would I keep to a rule in a black-and-white way when there seemed to be a loving exception to be made already? So I did. ❤ And my anxiety medicine has fully kicked in now and I’m feeling so much better. I had been started to shake for a while there; partly, blood sugar issues going out of whack due to being sick. I vacuumed the stairs and got started on my audiobook. It’s telling me interesting stories but I haven’t learned very much yet. Perhaps the next hour’s worth will have more useful tidbits! (It’s a book about how humans come to make decisions!! I’m super excited about it! The other one I got is on the same topic but from a very different point of view. I can’t wait to hear that one, too. 😀 ).

Today’s Mood Ranking: 3 – 5.5 (hey, mostly fine. Just some slippage at the end of the evening, obviously.)

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