Apr 20 (Mon): Work 9:30a – 5:30p
Today, “Peter” and I woke up and got ready for work. I made the eggs and he made an assortment of other delicious items. At the time, I felt insecure that I wasn’t helping enough. Right as I type this, I’m calm and … whatever. I am trying and excited about it.
We parted ways at his train stop. I did not bicycle today because my legs are still sore from the tree planting. Parting is hard but in some ways pleasant. He makes me want to be better. He makes me want to be independent. He makes me want to cook and want to not be clingy and want to feel confident in my position in life.
But last night, with him, I was very insecure again. I will have to spend less time with him for now, get the focus off of me, find other things to do and people to chat with. I like him very much and the insecurity is going to make me crazy if I let it.
I have to add in some more space. He’s very good at that and it makes me want it. But do I want it for me or do I want it because he seems to want it? No. I want it because it will allow for a healthier relationship, if we stay together a while.
SO. I am sleeping alone tonight. I read a book in the sun for a while today. It will be hard if he makes any offers, but I will sleep alone tomorrow night, too. How about that.
What I’m excited about is what I learned about the Accounting stuff I’ve gotten interested in. It means I have to go back to school, where I live. So it’s opening up a whole new world of ideas to explore, and that’s cool. It’s just kind of overwhelming to know where to start.
I’m so tired. These cleaning chemicals of my uncle’s are making my entire skull hurt. I’ve done a lot of walking lately. Today’s Mood Ranking: 4-5