Log: Apr 17 (Fri) Falling apart

Apr 17 (Fri): Work 9:30a – 5:30p

I’m falling apart today, I am so tired. I’m on the verge of a melt down.

I need to go home and get some extra snoozing in. This exhaustion is making me somewhat paranoid and insecure.

This is how I feel about myself + dating at present:

Wait, no. How about you DON'T get to know me??

Wait, no. How about you DON’T get to know me??

Tomorrow, I need to decide between attending the tree planting or the special lake cleanup day. I haven’t checked with “Peter” to see if he’s planning on either of them. I get this way when I spend ‘too much’ time with anyone in particular — afraid to contact them or see them any more, because I get convinced that too much of my company will make them hate me.

And so it goes.

Actual log: Woke up at “Peter’s”, and it was lovely but I was still insecure. Got showered quickly, helped make breakfast, feel like I’m not pulling my weight, (WHY did I have to lose my glorious self-confidence of weeks ago?), made it to work at a good time. Haven’t had much to to do at work today, although yesterday and the day before had been quite busy. I’m glad; I’m too tired to do much today. I want to leave early and go home and sleep, but what will I do for food? I wish I could just eat a can of dog food and be okay.

[Update: I took 1 mg of clonazepam this time, I believe, EARLY, and I slept very well for the entire night and had plenty of energy for the next day’s tree planting and walking. 🙂 ]  Today’s Mood Ranking: 4

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