Apr 14 (Tue): Therapy 8:30a, Work 10a – 5:30p, Computer appt 7:15p @”Peter’s” city, Music Practice
I made it to therapy (barely; had overslept). I made it to work (probably a half hour late). I made it to the computer appointment in good timing, and I made it to Music Practice. Yay.
It was actually a rough day, however. For an unknown reason, my anxiety level was very high all day. I was productive for half of the day, and unfocused for half (at work). So it was okay. By the time I reached my computer appointment, my anxiety was so high it was beginning to affect my intestines, so I took 0.5mg of lorazepam. It turns out to have been too little, but that’s what I took. I was feeling a bit floaty, too. And shaky.
So it could have been blood sugar. The night before, all I’d had was the small salad. Then that day, I had a gf muffin for breakfast, and then skipped lunch and ate half a can of salmon before leaving work.
But it also could have been from having a therapy appointment early this morning, in which at least 1 potential trigger item was discussed. I felt casual about it enough at the time that I said I’d write up the story of 2nd year of college to her (apparently I still haven’t told her what went down out there). But maybe what I’ll do is check my email to see if I’ve already written it up for someone else before, and that way I won’t actually revisit it emotionally. But, I am leaning toward the anxiety more having come from poor self-feeding and related blood sugar issues.
Anyway, “Peter” and I shopped for ingredients and then he mostly cooked. I did help chop the brussel sprouts (my first time ever chopping brussel sprouts!), and I fed the cats. He cooked everything and it was soooo good. I didn’t know brussel sprouts could be soft inside, and so delicious. I’ll have to try it myself some time.
Then instead of playing music right away, I confessed the weirdness of my mood and how anxious I was feeling & the cycle in my head that was resulting in me feeling really insecure. Like afraid that him seeing me anxious like this would scare him away, which is a nasty internal cycle since that only makes me more anxious/insecure. Anyway, he was fine with it and shared some stories of his own. Then we played music for a while and it was really beautiful. Probably the strange emotions or maybe the lorazepam earlier helped me to connect with the sound coming out of my instrument, and it sounded really musical and pretty. But alas, it got close to 10p and one of his neighbors came by and complained (and didn’t even ask if we have a CD out?! C’mon!). Today’s Mood Ranking: 4-5