Apr 3 (Fri):
Therapy 9a (cancelled), Work 3:00p – 5:30p, Dinner event with “Peter” and his family (not a true Seder, but some Passover food) 6:30p @location
- If I go to work right now, I could get a little bit accomplished.
- Then perhaps my uncle would not kill me if I went to dinner tonight.
- My uncle might still kill me if I went to dinner tonight.
- If I go to work and to dinner tonight, WOULD I HAVE ANY ENERGY FOR TOMORROW, WHEN MY PARENTS ARRIVE?
- If I stay home today and tonight, and rest, WOULD MY MUSCLES AND STAMINA ATROPHY AWAY ANYWAY??? That is what usually happens to me when I don’t do much for a couple of days. I waste away quite quickly and lose 100% of my stamina.
It sounds like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I will die under one of these choices — my uncle will kill me if I go to dinner tonight. That much I know. I don’t think my doctor will kill me. She said to stay home for 3 days, but I think if she saw the ultra-serious type of mask I would wear onto the public transit system, she would be okay with it. I described the type to her during my appointment yesterday. They’re NIOSH N95 and tested to prevent TB spread when properly fit and all that. So I feel like I could keep the public safe from me if I do indeed have Whooping Cough (I’m not convinced, but the test will tell us within a few days). But, “Peter” also said he could get me a direct ride so I wouldn’t be on public transit to the dinner.
BUT which way will the exhaustion be worsened? That’s all I need to know now. If I stay and rest, will I be even more atrophied and have less stamina tomorrow? Or if I do a bit of work and attend dinner, will I exhaust myself even more for tomorrow?
HOW AM I GOING TO DECIDE. | Update. I literally asked my mom for help deciding! I’m going to go get showered and into clean, nice clothes, and then head to work for a short time (masked) and then to the dinner, only if they can get me back so I’m home by 9p. I’m going to drug myself into oblivion tonight (I checked with a local pharmacist who said it would be fine for me to take my clonazepam at night even with new drugs for this bug). I’m both coughing and feeling really excited now that I’m considering attending the dinner again.
Okay, I’ve gotten a tiny bit accomplished at work. There is just ONE task I NEED to complete before I leave this evening. I’m SO excited about the dinner tonight. I know I shouldn’t go. I’m not taking any mass public transportation today, btw, although admittedly I am going to be using taxi-like services with my mask on. “Peter’s” mom said she’d drive me home around 9-9:30p. If only I could focus on my ONE remaining task here at work. Just one, really challenging (focus-intense) task. Then I can wash the dishes and leave for the dinner. [Then come home and be murdered by my uncle for having stayed out whilst ill.]
Okay, I went to the dinner and I am glad. It was very interesting and I learned a lot. You guys don’t know but through my mother’s line, I am technically Jewish. I was not raised Jewish and know nothing about it. But this dinner was so interesting to me and also I enjoyed meeting “Peter’s” parents and their friend. It was delicious. And I fell in love with their two cats. Whenever I got very stressed during socializing, I was able to get a kitty to come to my fingers by my chair side and get pets. One even jumped onto my lap and layed down for a while. I loved it. They drove me home afterward and “Peter” stayed over. I took a very high (for me) dose of clonazepam to ensure sleep (1.5mg). I slept. YAY. Today’s Mood Ranking (still subject to change as the day progresses): 5-5.5-6