Log: Mar 31 (Tue)

Mar 31 (Tue): Therapy 8:30a (canceled), Work 10:30a – 5:30p (canceled), Music practice with “Peter” 6p @location (cancelled 😥 )

Butterfly from a previous hike

Butterfly from a previous hike

Well daaaaamn. I don’t have a lot of choice anymore! I canceled therapy, I don’t think I can go to work, and I’ll definitely have to cancel Music Practice, which is terribly sad.

I’m so very sick. I slept for exactly 5 hours thanks to the diphenhydramine last night. I woke up after having yet another terrifying nightmare involving my ex-husband. They are NOT FAIR. I never feared for my life with him. Why is it coming into these nightmares? I know WHY I had a nightmare — stomach ache, of course. But why of my ex, always with my physical safety a concern (and the safety of everyone near me or loved by me). Actually, that last part makes sense. I did fear for animals with him. And after my major fuck-up, I feared for someone else’s life very much. But my own?…? These dreams are recreating the past, because I’m starting to think that maybe, just maybe, deep down, I really *was* afraid for my life every time he went into a rage and destroyed items. I know the first time something happened, I hid in the bathroom and cried and didn’t have my phone to call the police for help if I needed it. But I don’t recall ever feeling that way again.

Oh, well. So I woke up having had a bad nightmare. I was drenched in sweat (we all knew that was coming when I ate chicken+rice+coconut milk before bed; that stuff all breaks down pretty quickly). (For those just joining my blog, I’m referring to my body’s issue with blood sugar levels.) But then I couldn’t stop coughing and blowing my nose for the next two hours. My throat hurts, my body aches. My lungs are coughing very productively, as is my nose. If it gets any more colorful, I’ll have to go to the doctor. I couldn’t stop coughing, even with the cough drops. Now I’m on my second mug of tea and that has helped a bit. I’ve also had more of the soup I made last night (again, me cooking = must be a miracle). So I am just going to rest. I wish I could go back to sleep but I have a stomach ache and I know it won’t happen.

So this day did not go exceptionally well. It was a sick day but I don’t feel any healthier for it. Twice, I coughed so hard I [omitted for emetophobics]. I finally panicked when I didn’t think the coughing would ever stop, and contacted my doctor-in-training cousin, who helped me get a grip. On the plus side, I finally went through all of my pictures from three different hikes that I’ve gone on this year! I’ve gone back and added some pictures to my recent posts. A few of them were uploaded at their full size (you can click on them and expand them), but I figured out how to resize before uploading, finally.

Caterpillar

Caterpillar (not quite a Mourning Cloak Caterpillar; not exactly a Buckeye Caterpillar; not quite like the Painted Lady Caterpillar; highly unlikely that it’s a Bay Checkerspot Caterpillar, but it seriously looks like one!)

At the end of this day, I finally ventured upstairs and my uncle saw how sick I am. HOLY SHIT was he PISSED. He’s SO mad that I went on the walk with “Joe” on Sunday. He’s SO mad that I would over-extend again. He’s mad at “Joe” for not recognizing that I should have stayed home and rested. He’s mad at me for the same. He’s mad that I would compromise my health, my upcoming plans with my parents, etc. I didn’t handle it well; I kept calm for a bit and then finally just started to cry (mood-ranking that as a 4). I really didn’t think I was that sick on Sunday or I wouldn’t have gone. Can’t go back and fix things. Besides, I wouldn’t have the lizard pictures or the butterfly pictures or have seen the snake if I hadn’t gone. So long as I can recover from this bug and it doesn’t kill me, surely it will have been worth it. I even got to see Indian Paintbrush, which I’ve been keeping an eye out for for a while now. Today’s Mood Ranking: 4-5

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