I don’t know who is reading this at this point. I haven’t been participating in anyone else’s blog for at least a couple of weeks so I don’t know who knows I still exist. But regardless, I should start blogging again, even if I can’t bring myself to focus on others’ words yet.
What is going to help is that I will take this old laptop in and get it upgraded so I can start using newer browsers and such… AND with that will come some of the browser plug-ins that I can install that will read online text in a computer-generated voice. Then I think I will be better able to read other people’s blogs at present. But as is, there is just no way of focusing on it.
I haven’t figured out how I want to do my current schedule/calendar/daily moods stuff yet. It seems to be bypassing the point of a blog to have a week’s worth of stuff in a single post that I continue to update. But I’m afraid of the information getting too spread out if I post each day as its own post. And I also don’t want to put it off into its own “Page”, as satisfying as that would look visually for me, because then it would be out of context of whatever else I end up posting. decisions, decisions.
I have been individually contacting people I know in-person to ask them to refrain from visiting my blog now. I have been avoiding writing a lot of things in here because I had previously felt comfortable with certain people viewing this. Well, I feel differently about it now. I am in a phase where I need the freedom that comes with anonymity. (If I haven’t contacted you individually, separate from here, then I am still okay with you viewing this. This includes my therapist.)
Here’s my disclaimer and frankly it is going to sound harsh: If you are reading this and I HAVE contacted you individually to ask you to stop reading my blog, then frankly my trust in you was misplaced to begin with and if I say anything on here that hurts you, I do not accept responsibility for that. It’s on you. Because I’m asking to return to anonymity for a specific reason: I need a space to say whatever I damn well feel like saying and some of it is going to sound crazy and some of it is going to sound hurtful and some of it is going to be off the walls. I need this space for experimentation.