Feel this burn.
Wait for self control
But none will come.
Feel the coolness trickle down my arm.
Close your eyes.
Just let me rest here for a while.
Feel my heart exploding
Feel my blood begin to boil over.
There’s the rage that I claimed I never feel
There’s the pain that I hold against myself.
There’s the blame that is knifed into my skin
Don’t trust me. I will never be okay. I will never be capable.
The prize had better have been worth it.
No more lies, let me see into the bottom.
End these tries, I’m not putting out any more effort.
What the hell is THIS?
This isn’t what I bargained for.
There’s nothing here but compulsions and no self control.
That’s not a life. That isn’t worth its weight on my back.
When did I learn these awful habits?
When did I learn these shitty thoughts?
When did I learn to close my eyes?
When did I learn to turn away?
When did I learn that following a compulsion was okay?
There was a time when I was not.
There was a time when I had self-respect.
There was a time when I could set my mind to something and achieve it.
innerdragon. You have a lot to learn.