What exactly /did/ I DO this weekend? With some TMI (Journal#061)

This tree does not think it's winter

This tree does not think it’s winter

This is random thought splatter and may or may not make any sense at all in a linear way:

I’m hiding this behind a “read more” button:

Hmm, it’s an interesting question. How did I spend my time this weekend? I’m being told I wasted it away and it’s such a shame and must never happen again, etc etc.

But let’s go back over it, just to be sure. Because I feel that I had a very full weekend. And am debating if I did anything to be ashamed of.

In no particular order:

  • Saturday: Walked 2.81 miles. Not great but not terrible. 28 active minutes, which exceeds my daily goal.
  • Saturday: Spent time with “Joe”. Maybe it was “too much”. I’d say about 5 hours. We walked the dogs, we watched more Star Trek TNG and an old musical cartoon I’d never seen, and snuggled more. What on Earth could be better?
  • Saturday: I practiced guitar
  • Saturday: I ate healthfully
  • Saturday: I showered in the morning!
  • Saturday: I got out of bed before noon! (“Joe” called when he was leaving his house, so I’d be up and had breakfast šŸ˜‰ )
  • Saturday evening: Got teased immensely by my uncle. Also made him a bet that I’d get up for “Joe’s” bird walk that was to start the following morning at 7:45am.

Okay, apparently I’m doing them in order after all, at least by day.

  • Sunday: Had a coughing fit at 6am and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I GOT UP and went and ate breakfast around 6:30am. Only, it was one of the only days this month that my uncle didn’t wake up super early, so I had no ride to the bird walk. So… I went back to bed.
  • Sunday: I did then fail to attend Meditation, which I’m very sad about. I need help to get there! I WANT so much to go there on Sunday mornings.
  • Sunday: Altogether walked: 4.62 mi (yay! Exceeded my daily steps goal) with 48 active minutes (awesome).
  • Sunday: Walked around this area with “Joe” and had lunch together at a cheap (but good) place. (sidenote: I only have $2.50 left for eating out this month.)
  • Sunday: Watched more Star Trek TNG with “Joe”. And more snuggling. Which may have been a bit more intimate this time. Just sayin’. Nothing major orĀ compromisingĀ or whatever. We even tried to kiss but for the record, I suck at it. I haven’t kissed in 14 years. If you’ve made it this far, you might wonder how that’s possible what with being married and dating previously and all that. But if you’ve read my “THE ONE” OCD post, you’ll remember that I believed(still do) that guy was my “soul mate” and anyway, the trust is, kissing means I trust the person I’m with and what with being unable to emotionally connect with anyone else after my “soul mate” and also not actually trusting anyone I’ve dated since him, even while married, I haven’t kissed. I’m debating if I like it at all even now. 14 years ago, I liked kissing. My “soul mate” and I would kiss for literally hours sometimes. Now? Guys have tried with me. I don’t like it.
  • Sunday: I practiced guitar again
  • Sunday: Walked again, with the dogs, my uncle, and my BROTHER who just showed up

So anyway. Yes, I spent a lot of time with “Joe” this weekend. It’s kind of a fluke thing; he’s normally only available once a weekend. But anyway, I got seriously talked to about spending too much time indoors.

WTF? I got outside MORE this weekend than any of the past weekends for a couple of months!!!!! I was lively and excited, and am waltzing around humming and practicing guitar. Frankly I’m in the phase where I smile like an idiot. (Sidenote: And “Joe” and I are NOT a “couple”. My brother and I decided on the proper phrasing tonight after he arrived and immediately started grilling me. “Joe” and I are non-exclusively dating. (“Joe” dates other women and I still chat with guys on the dating website, although highly infrequently at present, since I’m content socially at this moment. But I certainly will meet with other guys from there if I find another nice guy.)

Anyway, I know I’ll never convince you this this could be a positive thing, not a negative. And it’s not my houseĀ and maybe it made you uncomfortable.

I’m genuinely concerned that my uncle won’t let me and “Joe” stay inside again in the future. Even though we started both days with walking around in the sun. Also, he and I are not going to see each other more than 3 times any week. Typically we will see each other only once a week, but there could be some twice a week. I don’t want to see any one person more than that per week, because I believe spending too much time with my ex in a row (literally every day) while dating, I believe made it too easy for me to turn a blind eye to red flags.

I have to have space no matter what I’m doing or I’ll Become You. My god has this happened in the past.

I had a lot of energy today. Even though the coughing fit woke me up at 6 am, I must have had a really good sleep between midnight and 6 am. There is a piece of me that honestly wonders if having your smell next to my pillow as I slept was helpful for me (on Saturday, after the sun blinded us after a certain hour while watching Star Trek TNG, we moved to my bedroom and sat on my bed). I genuinely don’t think that sort of thing bothers my uncle, but since he’s so mad that I was indoors all weekend, maybe it actually does bother him and he just tries to pretend like it doesn’t.

I wonder if I slept better because of 1) Your scent, which is comforting because you are very gentle and nice, and I like you. And 2) Perhaps the iron tablets are helping my RLS???

But I can’t base anything on a single night of good sleep. I hope hope hope I sleep well again tonight! I am going to go practice guitar more and then head to bed. šŸ™‚

For me, absolutely the “WORST” thing I did this weekend, in MY opinion, was the NUMBER of hours spent with “Joe”. It’s not safe for me to spend too much time with any one person, because of my tendency to lose my own self completely. But, it was a one-time thing and it was frankly very nice. And I actually hit my Hug Quota. I didn’t know that was possible. But in the last hour of his presence today, I was like ready to get up and do things. I picked up my guitar played/sang the song I’m learning and stuff. šŸ˜€ Pretty amazing, for me. We would have taken the dogs on a walk ourselves, but HE was too tired! because of getting up so early for the bird walk and then bicycling over to me, and then going on a walk with me earlier! Inconceivable.

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