It’s me. (Goals#010) (Journal#051)

I just did something really fun. I took my bicycle and Bailey down to a long, flat road, waited for the cars to pass, and then let her run with me. At first, she sort of kept by my side, just trotting along, and then a bit of a canter, so I sped up to keep up. Then it’s like she realized she could really let out some steam, and she started flat out running, so I sped up more to keep along side her. I’m pretty sure she’d report to you that she tasted some doggy heaven. You could see it in her whole body: WOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!!! We had to slow down again for some traffic. On the way back, she was a lot slower. Finally, a tired dog! We went a little farther, just at a slow trot, and then walked back home. She did really well!! I’d say she only spent maybe 2% of the entire time trying to go in the wrong direction or toward another dog. lol 98% behaving as a perfect bicycling dog is pretty damn amazing, considering I have no idea if she’s ever done that before!!!

If I die tomorrow, have I accomplished anything? I made a dog happy for a brief moment in time. That’s something.

How will I feel good about myself? I want to help network sheltered animals to their new homes. I want to help the situation of people with no homes.

How can I do these things when I’m afraid to leave my home most of the time? What is within my walking distance that is close enough that I won’t get exhausted on the way? Why can’t other things feel as valuable to me personally?

I feel an odd urgency to get this started. Today. I wish an animal shelter was near me. Right next to me. I’d be there every day. I’ve only ever networked two animals to better places, but to me, that is what feels worthwhile in my life. All other moments, I feel are wasted away and wasting me away.

I grow more worthless by the day. I have to turn this around, Now.


15 thoughts on “It’s me. (Goals#010) (Journal#051)

  1. Such a positive post to start with. I didn’t think tbe last few lines fitted because you clearly are worth something. You’re worth reading for a start! I had a picture in my head of you and your dog on a bike, except I imagined the dog pulling you along.
    Anyway, don’t be so hard on yourself. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you :D. I really, really hope I take Bailey on another little ride-along soon. Networking animals, as far as I personally understand it, is just spreading the word about them through various groups, some online or some through bulletins, websites, Facebook pages, etc. To get a special-needs horse to a sanctuary, I had to be in contact with numerous rescue groups, haulers, fund-raise (admittedly, since this case was near & dear to my heart, most of my friends and family donated, but also some friends of friends and some complete strangers who found my ads online), etc. It’s not easy and you may have local groups doing that on your local Craigslist pet section, almost like spam. But there are people who will go in and take pictures of the shelter animals and post them and a little blurb whenever possible, to try and get animals whatever exposure they can as quickly as possible. Some groups pull from kill shelters and then use whatever resources they have to advertise and care for the animals, foster them out, all that. Some even get some kinds of minor discounts from vets who are part of or work with the groups. But it’s all in groups and usually takes being in contact with other groups and other people as well to get much done, so that’s why I referred to it as networking. I don’t really know if I’m using proper terminology.

      It’s very hard emotionally in that in some ways, it’s hard to justify certain aspects. Philosophically or ethically or something. I mean, we all put together a lot of resources for one horse to live out her life in horse heaven. But can that be justified? Is one baby girl’s life worth all of that time and money? When that same amount of time and money could have been put toward feeling some hungry people or other animals that are less expensive to feed?

      Then there are a whole other set of people, especially in the horse world, who say that every time you rescue a horse, you are keeping the market flooded with imperfect animals and lowering the value of all horses, therefore ruining a breeder’s ability to make a living, and also keeping all horse prices low. A surprising number of horse people are pro-slaughter for those reasons. I. Am. Not. I no longer remember the statistics, but the real numbers of horses in need of homes does NOTHING compared to the amount of new horses being bred each year. If just a small percentage of breeders were to breed fewer horses each year, the entire homeless-horse population could be absorbed back into the system.

      I’m not sure if I’m on a tangent or not, since it’s at least rescue-related. 🙂 But I think I’m off topic so um… I’ll stop now. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You are certainly not worthless. Ask Bailey. Or better yet, ask me! You’re doing wonderful things, and not just with the animals, but with this page, and with yourself. So get out there and keep it up, you’re doing great.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That sounds like the most fun ever 🙂 And, to echo everybody else, you certainly are making a big difference, to Bailey and to everyone who reads your blog. This post resonated with me a lot ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I understand now about networking. It is a fine term and makes sense. I think your idea of doing that is good. I think you could do that. Just work at your own pace. As far as the homeless situation, that is extremely complicated to get into and is like opening a can of worms (or Pandora’s box) as far as the many issues with it. I did a lot of work with the homeless people one time.

    I could explain it to you better seperately from here why I would not want you to begin down the road of trying to help them find housing. Some of it has to do with the system but there are a lot of other things. Email me there, if you want to know about my personal stories and why I would not recommend that for you.

    You could work at a soup kitchen to help serve food if you like, but I would not get involved in the housing with them. They have their own subculture and there are a lot of things about it, I would want to tell you, before you got too mixed up in the housing aspect with them.

    I got into it and wished I had stuck to helping at the soup kitchen and not gotten into the housing. Leave that to social services. There are a lot of other things you can do for the homeless people though , that would be helpful. Email if you really become interested.

    I see you better off, for your personal mental health, sticking with working with the animal shelter. There may be other volunteer things we can think of also, like maybe Teaching Adults to Read . Most local libraries have an Adult Learning Program.

    i am so glad you feel inspired to do some kind of volunteer work. It is goo for you too help others and it will help your self esteem. The raising of self esteem is very good for mental healing. Feel free to email me anytime . Just keep the adress just in case. Just say it is from Inner Dragon in the subject.

    We can get better , as we keep walking. We can do a little at a time, at our own pace, as our mental state allows.

    I am here for you as you walk your path to mental wellness. I hope we can get better over time.

    Very proud of your step forward. Sometimes it is 3 steps forward and then 2 backward. But don’t let that discourage you, if it happens. It will be ok.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, thank you so much! I have helped in a food bank before and that is definitely something I’m interested in pursuing again. I know nothing of housing for people without homes; I don’t think I’ll try to pursue that one at all. But anything I can do to help feed and cloth or whatever, I’d be interested. I will definitely contact you one of these days when I am closer to action, if you don’t mind. It sounds like you have a lot of experience! 🙂


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