Yet another update: Still stable (Journal#050)

I still sense that I’m in a fairly stable-mood period. But I have NOT SLEPT WELL these past two nights. Last night, I had terrible nightmares. When I got out of bed this morning, the room was spinning and distant/unreal and I was still half-asleep. If I had closed my eyes, I would have still been halfway in the nightmare from which I just awoken. I was too afraid to leave my room in such a tired state, so I snagged all the blankets off my bed and laid down with them on the floor and slept for several more hours.

I know that I can do better. And I will. I’m still feeling upbeat about things in general.

Things that are helping me stay upbeat:

  • I look forward to seeing my new friend, “Joe”, again this weekend; I’ll confess, we have been exchanging text messages daily (he is my friend with an f) 🙂 (I’m referencing “Silver Linings Playbook”)
  • I’ve started to take an iron prescription, and hopefully this will help my sleep quality & I won’t be so damned tired
  • I just got a call back from a psychiatrist (~so I finally have an appt~) and I hope we will click & she’ll be useful

Randomness on my mind:

  • I’m still waiting for tongue biopsy results.
  • The healing, or lack thereof, of my tongue concerns me.
  • My job… so much alone time… so crazy… I get weird when I’m alone too much. Trust me. You’d have to see or hear me to understand what I mean. I start to fade away.
  • Last night, I went to a poetry reading with “Joe” and his mother.
  • I’ve started a new blog on here just for studying for the PTCB exam. It’s fun. I’m learning random stuff, but not getting very serious about the exam yet.
  • I stopped sketching again. It happens. I will be very happy if I sketch just 3 minutes a night.
  • Tonight, go to bed by 10:30pm.

More on the last 2 nights: Two nights ago, I slept poorly and my dreams were about things like fish bones getting stuck in my throat (150, to be exact). Obviously my tongue/throat has been aching. Last night, my nightmare was ex related. But of course, he wasn’t the loving ex I knew for most of that time. It was a nightmare-twisted version and things were really, really sick and bad. I only have nightmares when I have stomach/intestinal pain. So what’s up with my GI tract now?!


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