OMFG: Productivity (Journal#049)

Bowl and Owl — Both of which I have not said thank you for!! Here will be my thank-you for the bowl, which is made from a beautiful wood and actually feels very nice to the touch… And just happened to make a perfect nest for my owl! Together, they are on my nightstand and I love looking at them.

Fact: I’ve been feeling in a pretty positive, productive mood all day today.

Theory: I can only imagine this has to do with having slept the eennttiirree weekend. On Saturday morning, I had the laser beams in my mouth, and was knocked unconscious. I actually don’t recall waking up but I did. My uncle drove me home and then my new friend came over and brought me soft food and we watched many episodes of Star Trek Next Generation. After he left, I slept right there on the TV room floor. I slept there that night, too. I didn’t even change clothes. This is terrible, but I didn’t even get up to brush my teeth / swish like I was supposed to. I’m VERY lucky that I didn’t get an infection right then and there. I was too dang tired to get up. So I slept there that whole night. I slept there the entire next day (Sunday).

Sunday evening, there was some tension in the house and I was concerned that they were snippy because I had been asleep on their TV room floor all day and in the way. I really couldn’t figure out what was causing what with whom or when. But regardless, so I did feel quite guilty then and I started to vacuum. So I did some vacuuming that night. And then I stayed up for several hours longer tidying up my bedroom! Which I have been meaning to do for a very long time.

So not only did I do significant progress on tidying up my bedroom, but today, I did attend work for several hours and then I had my doctor appointment. She did not do the female exam I was expecting but wants to postpone it for a full physical next month, after the rest of the bloodwork and this tongue biopsy results come back. But she did write me a referral to the sleep clinic. Although, she doesn’t think it will be helpful for me. She thinks it will be a waste of time and money. Since I had one many years ago, and I already know I have problems with Restless Leg Syndrome, she offered to prescribe me drugs specifically for that, but I didn’t accept yet. I’m on a lot of drugs as it is and don’t think I could handle adding more on.

She did insist that I see a psychiatrist, which EVERYONE and literally their mothers have been asking me to do for a while now. And I’ve been meaning to do. I did make an attempt some weeks ago but failed to get hold of anyone at that point. So last night, as I was tidying up my room, I did locate the sheet of paper my therapist had written 2 peoples’ names on with their phone numbers. So just a few minutes ago, I left voicemail messages to each of them and will see where it heads from there.

I also did the most amazing thing of writing Thank-You emails to people who sent me birthday cards some months ago! You guys may not know, but that is a HUGE deal for me. Thank you’s are like, always something I mean to do, I know I need to do, I feel horrible guilt for having not done, and yet never make time for it. So I feel so much relief at having written up all of the ones I could locate here on this desk.

So I have felt somewhat productive in the past 24 hours and I wish I could retain this feeling forever. It’s such an amazing feeling — feeling CAPABLE of getting something accomplished. Normally I don’t feel this way.

Maybe I have found the key to my life — if I could sleep every other day, then just maybe I could function for half of the week! That would be more than I do normally.