Today is brighter (and spoke with my dad) (Journal#040)



For those of you who read my post last night, I was very, very down. Of course when I am down, I feel that I have always been there and will always be there.

But today did come. I slept for about 20 minutes last night altogether. I don’t feel too badly, though. I even spoke with my dad, who was on his way to the airport. I leave later and we will meet up for the memorial.

Him: “I’m going to see you later today.”
Me: “Weird.”
Him: “I know.”

And I felt infinitely so much better then. He gets it, you know? With anybody else, I would try to put on a fake joyfulness such as, “Ohmygawd I can’t wait to see you in just half a day!!!” but really be feeling stressed out (just from change in routine and stuff), you know? But him and me, we’re on a similar wave length in a lot of ways.

Again at the end of the call:

Him: “Okay, See you later!”
Me: “That is so weird.”
Him: “I know, it is. [laughter]”

And he had an excitement in his voice. It sparked something in me. I feel so much better about this upcoming trip now. 20 minutes of sleep and all.

{And yeah, I sure as shit better quit my job soon, before I get drug down to depths beyond what I can crawl out of.}

Oh and yeah, I got my tongue looked at by an Urgent Care doctor this morning. She said she’d seen something like it before but had to look up something. When she came back, she said it definitely wasn’t a fungus (darn, I was rooting for thrush), and she didn’t think it was cancer because I don’t smoke/chew tobacco and am fairly young (I didn’t really know that had been on the table), but she didn’t know what it was and I would have to see a dentist. SO, there goes that $$$ and now I have to find a dentist for when I get back from the memorial.


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