Saturday morning fear of getting out of bed (Journal#035)

I am documenting a Saturday morning yet again, because I just KNOW that one day, a solution is going to come to me!

Here’s the scoop. It’s morning. I actually woke up at 12:30p which is pretty good for me. I’ve only been hanging around in bed for fifteen minutes, that means.

Y’all already know I slept pretty poorly, what with the random anxiety attack 1.5 hours into my sleep. Here’s the graph:

Saturday morning

Saturday morning

Okay, so I was restless most of the night again (you can find all of this info on my Sleep Experiments menu page, btw, but it’s terribly ugly because WP keeps reformatting my hand-written table HTML code and giving it terribly tall spacing and removing my borders. 😦 )

Anywho, so I’m awake! I can hear their voices upstairs. My cousin is strumming a guitar which is awesome. There’s pacing steps above my head. And here I am, scared to go up there. My thoughts:

  1. I need to take my medicine
  2. I need to eat breakfast
  3. I can’t do either because they’re upstairs and I haven’t showered in a week and I’m very gross
  4. So I need to shower
  5. I’ve got to eat some food before I shower; I’m starting to feel weak and shaky
  6. How do I go up there without being seen, when I can tell they’re up there?
    1. I could wrap myself in a big blanket?
    2. I could brush my hair first and pretend I don’t see the grease?
    3. Also, my current PJs are too ugly to let my cousin see
    4. I can’t change because all of my clothes are in the washing machine (I forgot to move them into the dryer last night)
  7. I need to move my clothes into the dryer so I have clothes to change into after the shower
  8. So obviously a shower is out of the question
    1. (Why the heck did that just publish?!)
    2. Either wrap myself in a blanket or
    3. Pull on other random clothes so I’m not as ugly, but I’ll still be stinky & greasy

Okay, that’s settled then. LOL

BUT what I’m THINKING is — why don’t I start keeping food downstairs?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Isn’t that brilliant?!?!?! If I keep food downstairs, then I wouldn’t have to fear going upstairs because I wouldn’t have to go upstairs! Oh, I’d have to keep some spare medicine down here too!!!! It’s brilliant.

I think that’s going to solve a lot of my morning anxieties!!!

Other tips, all brought to me by my TaskRabbit:

  • I have a small heater run for a half hour each morning so I don’t have to avoid my room due to coldness
  • I keep a glass of water by my bed for the morning, and drinking it really does help me wake up
  • I just purchased a candle scented, allegedly, to help with awakeness and energy. I have it lit right now and it’s quite a pleasant scent

Now there is a raised voice upstairs too. But I’m not too anxious. Probably that’s because of the clonazepam I took in the middle of the night. πŸ™‚ I don’t know how I ever survived without anti-anxiety meds. WOW now he is SHOUTING. SHOUTING. Oh, it’s about sports. Expletives and something about you can’t miss that pass. Thank god for anti-anxiety meds being on board, that’s all I can say, because it’s barely even affecting me. Sweeet.

Zoey squirrel

Zoey squirrel

Okay I’m going to go start my day. I’m going to throw on some random clothes, brush my hair, start my laundry into the dryer, and then brave the upstairs world. Normally I’d be scared, too, about the unknowns of the day, but again, I’ve got some meds on board, and I’m pretty calm about the different prospectives. We might be traveling to a distant city today, which always gives me worry, but I think I’m going to feel okay declining the trip today. I need to stay home and tackle some chores. I haven’t vacuumed in a LONG time! I haven’t done any chores in a LONG time. There’s stuff I need to DO today! Lol. It’s going to be great. I’m going to play some of my favorite musics and just maybe I’ll be all alone because they’re going to the distant city. I don’t know yet if my cousin is going. If he’s going, I’ll want to go too, but I’m still going to refuse. I need to get some crap DONE!

[I was only delayed in bed for 38 minutes!!!! That is really good for me!!!] πŸ˜€

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3 thoughts on “Saturday morning fear of getting out of bed (Journal#035)

  1. You know what I find really spooky lately? When I’m lying in bed and I think it’s only been five minutes, and then I look at the clock and an hour and a half’s gone by. It seems to be happening a lot lately. You think I should worry?

    Liked by 1 person

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