Abrupt Anxiety Attack (Journal#034)

I’ve been asleep for about an hour and a half. Suddenly I am wide awake and in the midst of an anxiety attack. I have no idea why! I have taken half a clonazepam, drank some water, went to the bathroom, stretched a little, and am listening to soothing music. And I’m back here to document it. Because this was insane.

I was just wide awake and my heart was racing and I was going to have multiple GI issues at once and I kept trying to just calm down and stay in bed but it got worse and worse.

My cousin is here now; I can hear him talking upstairs with my aunt and uncle, who is pacing around like usual. Normally I find the pacing very soothing. But this time, every step was like more fear. I don’t know how to explain it. And of course, the usual, paranoid thoughts for the voices: As if they would be talking about me! But tell that to me in the midst of an anxiety attack (well, I DID tell that to myself: Of COURSE they’re not talking about me!).

And they’re not. When I went to the bathroom and got some water, I caught like three words. (All of this is pretty embarrassing to admit, really. I wouldn’t admit any of this crud except I’m trying to expose the underbelly. I WANT to get through all the layers of crap. I want to get to The Source and rebuild myself with some sense of Genuine Self.)

The music is helping. I’m definitely calmer. But I still feel like I could “be sick” at any moment. My stomach is hurting so much. I’m going to pull up the Ultimate distracter — some stupid Ali G interviews. πŸ™‚

Update: Actually, it turns out I’m watching some Simon’s Cat:Β http://youtu.be/UhQ9HquDNEM

Update update: The clonazepam has kicked in and I’m feeling fine. Just some bad stomach and intestinal pain still, but no more anxiety, and I’m feeling sleepy again. I’ve watched a ton of Simon’s Cat episodes and I think I’m ready to try sleep again. Whew! πŸ™‚


8 thoughts on “Abrupt Anxiety Attack (Journal#034)

  1. What in the world is going on this morning? Even Annie is awake with an anxiety attack. Actually I feel better now. I have been chatting on here for an hour. Time for us to go back to sleep. I was just checking in because i saw we woke up out of our sleep the same way.
    Good night again. πŸ™‚ I even just wrote a second good night post LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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