Quick update (Journal#012)

Gray lamp posts

Gray lamp posts. And birds.

I can’t leave the previous post sitting open on my page like this, so I have to post again to move it down.

So here’s an update. I didn’t fail too badly this weekend. I did sleep through my alarm clock on Saturday, so somebody had to come and wake me up by banging on my door, an hour after we were supposed to have left. But overall, it was a good day. We saw beautiful scenery, walked the dogs, and I saw the ocean, the sunset and random wild deer. And a lot of cows, some of which I really wanted to stop and photograph because of the lighting.

On Sunday, I got up at noon. It’s later than I would like, but so much better than 4 p.m. I’ve been in a bit of a funk since then. I didn’t sleep well on one of those nights, although I don’t remember which one. I was in a definite funk today, but realize this evening that I’d forgotten to take my damn meds again this morning. (It’s not the meds that make me mad, it’s the act of forgetting them yet again.) And that they cost me $175 (generic!) at the pharmacy on Sunday.

I feel like I’m going down in my mood and that this time it’s going to last a while. I can just tell. I’ve been really good for at least three weeks, maybe four, but I feel it going downhill and I don’t really know why. I feel like I’m not getting enough exercise and I’m not sleeping well again. If I’m not going to take my new sleep medicine, then I should go back to the clonazepam. I guess I stopped taking the new medicine because someone I live with right now expressed a strong opinion that I shouldn’t be taking it. I “shouldn’t” give a shit what other people think of me and my choices and all that but alas … of course I do! Y’all know that already. No sense in me pretending otherwise, even though I know it’s the “right” thing to say.

I’m not sure why I feel so lazy. I suggested and followed through on a bike ride yesterday (biked to the pharmacy to get my freaking expensive medicine). I went on several walks the day before.

I did two chores yesterday but it’s not enough. I feel lazy and unproductive and unhelpful. I’ve been very cranky in the morning for the past two or three mornings. My TaskRabbit helped me get through it this morning (even though I actually fell asleep while talking with her at one point!). She’s so amazingly upbeat and keeps trying to find things that will interest and motivate me. She’s definitely worth the money. I am so glad my therapist told me about the TaskRabbit services.

I’m frustrated, too, that I keep goofing off instead of finding people to talk with in person. I NEED to attend a meet-up group this week. I WANT it to be directly after work, but there is this super-tempting one this Sunday that I REALLY want to attend. It’s another meditation-related one. And it starts after noon, so it might be possible. Maybe I will see if my TaskRabbit can work this Sunday morning for me! I don’t know if she does weekend tasks or not.

Ooohhhh you know what? I missed meals all weekend. That is always a good way to bring on a funk. All I ate was cereal basically, until dinner. That’s super unhealthy for me and always affects my energy levels and mood drastically. I’m hypoglycemic and I’m not supposed to eat that kind of crap unless it’s a small portion with an otherwise protein-and-fiber filled meal, to make it break down and enter the blood stream more slowly.

On the plus side, a good funk helps me feel more creative. I might even doodle later. I haven’t sketched or anything at all since my divorce. This blog is the most creative I’ve been since then. Part of why I love this blog so much is because it motivates me to take pictures again, which I’d stopped caring about for a while there. ❤

But yeah, I think my current mood funk is why I’ve been contemplating the things I’ve been posting about just recently. Kinda gray. But I know I’ll be okay soon enough and it won’t last. If only I can get out of my funk by TOMORROW, it could be a special day. But I do feel this is going to last a while before it leaves.

P.S. I’m not going to write tomorrow. I enforce that kind of thing whenever I know I’ve been posting “too often” (by whose standards? my own?). I’ll write again either on Wednesday or Thursday.


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