Contemplating Weekends, Again (Journal#007)

Autumn Trees

Autumn Trees

I learned something this weekend. I learned to stop trying to attend weekend Meet-up groups. It only makes me feel worthless and hopeless, because I fail every time. Consistently.

But on Sunday, when I didn’t attend a group I really wanted to attend, I remembered that I this isn’t anything new. Even in the past several years, I have been most successful when attending things after work instead of on the weekends. Then I didn’t feel so guilty about skipping the meeting.

I HAVE attended 1 Meet-up group this year, and I did so after work. So I already know it’s how I can be successful. In other words, I just need to schedule Meet-ups on work days only! Why do I torture myself time and time again by thinking I’ll somehow make a weekend group? My anxiety is too high on weekends; I will not make the groups. There is no point in beating myself up over this. I get a double-whammy from that because I also get asked by the people who know me and know I was planning to attend, why I didn’t attend. (“Because I’m a failure!”) No, no. I just haven’t learned to help myself on weekends yet.

But there’s just no point in setting up myself for failure. So!! I’m going to look for the after-work groups from now on! I’m repeating myself, but it’s to help it really sink in to my brain. 🙂

{When I am on my way home from something, such as work, I already have the momentum going. I can make it someplace else. I am strong and independent then, and still have some propulsion. On weekends, I am lost and have no direction, energy, or motivation.}

I’ve re-formatted my Goals page again, just FYI. 🙂

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