I deleted my last bit regarding anxiety. But I’m going to document this because I presently have the urge to injure myself.
So what happened is I’ve been feeling alienated from person, like I’ve said, because of my jealousy issues. And have been pretty up-down all weekend. Today was up til I got home and was face to face with a raised voice, which started my anxiety but I deleted all that. So now, with him doing his own thing, I came up and gave him a hug (I’m going to write a topic on me and hugs someday). And then he does try to reach out for a moment, and ask me what’s wrong, but I’m low and I made a noncommittal noise and shrug like, “I don’t know.” So he leaves. Literally leaves to go shopping. I don’t even know if I could have gone too. So now I’m crying and the burning sensation is back. (He’s told me before that he doesn’t have time to wait. If he asks and I don’t answer, he’s going to keep moving.) Nobody is responsible for the way I feel but myself. (And somewhere in there, that topic came up again, too.)
I’m not going to cut. I’m just documenting. I want to understand this so I can stop it in the future.
I need friends. I feel so alone and misunderstood.
FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, I’M NOT GOING TO USE THIS AS A JOURNAL. I will do topic posts. Goal posts will be okay, too.